


Always You

by YEOJEONS



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Character Development, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Past Abuse, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, maybe violence but not really graphic???, minor child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-05-18 04:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14845793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YEOJEONS/pseuds/YEOJEONS
Summary: everyone has a soulmate; their middle named is tattooed on a random part on your body, but you have to figure out whose it is on your own.(disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used in this story, other than any original characters. all rights go to J.K. Rowling.)





	1. song like you.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work on here, so i hope you enjoy :)
> 
> ———  
> link to this spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/strawberrytaekook/playlist/6PWahbfksL6WWZ5A87WQCn?si=ro1o_FOBRhWf-5fLHmQgfg  
> youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0jZ1qeI32XUqMS_xXwITJ0h6HN3zHHVG  
> ———
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot 
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves & Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> “99” - Barns Courtney
> 
> doesn’t matter - christine and the queens
> 
> benny blanco ft. khalid, halsey - eastside
> 
> twenty one pilots - chlorine
> 
> to be continued...

_♫ PLAYLIST:[BEA MILLER - SONG LIKE YOU ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0I1fzd8diPdEqCIW7NCyaj?si=Y-MUeJmgSQC3CYI7I7Qh5A)_

* * *

_James_ _. Who could possibly have the middle name_ _J_ _ames_ _?_  Draco growled to himself for the hundredth time, pulling his sleeve down to hide the black ink that had been there since his twelfth birthday, when he had inherited it. Just as everyone else did.  

Hoisting his school bag on to his shoulder, Draco trudged on through the hallway, ignoring the usual chatter about the names. _W_ _ho cares about these stupid names anyways? They aren't even that important._ The school bell rang as Draco shoved past the people around him.  

Suddenly, a bushy brown-haired girl stepped in the way of Draco’s aggressive stride. He raised an eyebrow at her, moving to walk around her. She followed, standing her ground. Draco sighed, knowing this must be important. 

“What is it, Granger?” Draco drawled, rubbing a hand over his face in attempt to wake up his drowsy features.  

“Please, Draco, you very well know my name by now,” Hermione mused, “But anyways. I have the perfect thing for you.” Draco made a motion with his hand for her to go on. 

“We got you a date.” Draco rolled his eyes, knowing that Hermione and Pansy’s ‘dates’ for him were always terrible. On one of them, a boy had come in a full clown costume, makeup and everything. This was of course Pansy’s idea, as she was the only one who knew he was afraid of clowns. It may sound silly, but to Draco that’s terrifying. Draco shuddered at the thought. 

“Thanks, but no thanks.” Draco replied, walking around the tan-skinned girl. Hermione huffed, quickening her pace to keep up with Draco’s long-legged strides. 

“But you’ll like this one, I promise!” Hermione exclaimed, waving her arms around in emphasis. Draco never understood why the two girls bothered with his love life; he was already set with living the rest of his life alone, with the company of his three cats. After establishing their own relationship with each other, they took it upon themselves to find someone for Draco as well. And Draco hated it. 

“Oh yeah?” Draco asked, fighting the urge to roll his eyes, “Who is this mystery boy, then?” 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Hermione smirked, folding her arms across her chest. Draco lost the inner battle with himself and rolled his eyes sarcastically. 

“Granger, if you want me to do this you do have to tell me the person-”  

“It’s Harry Potter.”   

Draco gasped involuntarily, before violently choking on air. Hermione held back a laugh as she whacked Draco on the back. When he could breathe again, his jaw dropped open in shock. The girl closed Draco’s mouth, only to have it open again. Harry Potter is not only one of the most popular people in the school, but also Draco’s longtime crush of two years. 

“ _T_ _he_ Harry Potter? You’re joking.” Draco started, nearly laughing at his own stupidity for even believing it for a second. “You must be.” 

“I assure sure you I am not,” Hermione said in mock seriousness, clear amusement painted across her features. Draco came to the sudden realization that they were standing in the middle of the hallway when someone roughly shoved passed him. Draco scoffed, before starting to walk down the hall again.  

“But how? No _sane_ person would want to date me of all people, let alone him.” Draco muttered, the truth of his words sinking in a little more than he intended.  

“Hey now, don’t get all depressed on me, Dray.” Hermione said, nudging him with her shoulder, though due to height difference, she shouldered him harshly in the side. Draco yelped in pain, rubbing the sore spot. Before he could retort with how he was depressed all the time, Pansy came bounding up to the pair. She squeezed in between them, wrapping an arm around Hermione, pecking her on the lips. They’ve been together for nearly three years now, having found each other during their freshman year. Draco pretended to gag, though he couldn’t help but wish he could find his soulmate too. The girls ignored him, sharing a loving look. Draco knew they were doing it to rub it in his face.  

“Hey love.” Pansy said, smiling brightly at her girlfriend. She looked up at Draco and ruffled his hair. “What’s got you all down in the dumps?” Draco gasped, frantically patting his hair back in place. He shot her a scowl, but she didn’t see it. 

“I told him about his new date.” Hermione answered for him, wiggling her dark eyebrows.  

“You told him without me? Damn, I wanted to see his reaction.” Pansy pouted, earning a glare from Draco and an apologetic kiss on the cheek from Hermione. 

“Sorry,” Hermione said sheepishly, “I just couldn’t wait to tell him. And he was definitely shocked.” 

Hermione stopped in the hallway and mocked Draco’s expression from before, her jaw dropping identically. Pansy laughed, before interlocking her fingers with Hermione’s, walking once more. Draco huffed in his demise, crossing his arms while trying to remember, why exactly was he friends with them again? Before realizing that they were the only ones who cared enough to even talk to him, bringing him into an even more depressing slump. 

“Relax, Drake, we’re only teasing.” Pansy said lightly, worry subtly coating her voice.  

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I know.” Draco replied, trailing off, still far away in his thoughts. The two girls shared a knowing look. 

“So, about that date with Harry Potter.” Pansy started. Draco jumped, as if the words physically shocked him. “Will you do it?”  

“How do I know you’re not lying just to get me to go out with this random person?” Draco replied, narrowing his eyes accusingly at the pair. Pansy crossed her heart with her free hand, bringing her hand to her forehead in mock salute.  

“Scout’s honor,” 

“You were never a girl scout-” 

“Shh, it’s the thought that counts.” 

~✩~

Hours later, Draco sat in his history class, doodling aimlessly on the paper in front of him. The teacher, Mr. Binns, droned on about the civil war or something, while Draco looked up at the clock for what was probably the thousandth time. Draco sighed, willing time to go by faster, in hopes to get to his next class, pre-calculus, also known as the one class that Draco had with Harry, meaning his favorite class.  

Draco had tried many times to rid himself of this pesky crush, but it seemed to just get worse. i mean come on. the boy is  _gorgeous._ The way his curls fall messily into his eyes. The fluorescent emerald green eyes that shimmered in the light, hidden behind adorable glasses. His stupid scar etched onto his forehead from who-knows-what, that he tries so hard to cover with his messy fringe. His nicely toned muscles (don’t ask where he got this information) and his caramel-like skin that Draco couldn’t help but want to lic- wait. Is that going too far?

AND he was openly bi! Draco sighed in contentment, allowing a fond smile to grace his features.   

Though he’d rather be hung by his boxers on the flagpole in front of the school than to admit this, Draco knew he was head-over-heels for the stupid Potter boy.  

The worst part was, Draco knew he could never be with him. Not only is Harry out of his league; he just so happens to be the most popular boy at Hogwarts High. Cliché, right? And not even the mean popular, where they pick on whoever they can, whenever they want, just because they think highly of themselves. But the nice popular, who gets along with any and every one without excluding the lesser ones in the process. Not to mention he’s more athletic than Draco could ever be and more. 

The bell rang, breaking Draco from his Harry-induced thoughts. Draco was surprised to find that he was the first out of his seat and out the door, having little to no athletic ability and prone to getting out of breath from just walking up a flight of stairs. 

He quickly made it to his next class and sat in his usual seat, conveniently behind Harry. Speaking, more like thinking, of Harry, Draco thought about his so-called date with the boy; whether he chose to believe Pansy or not he wasn’t sure, but he would have to find out himself. 

On cue, said boy walked in, surrounded by his guy friends, a few giggling girls trailing close behind. Draco couldn't help but stare. Something was different about him. He wasn't talking much and was adamantly searching the room, most likely for someone. Harry's eyes soon found Draco's, emerald green on blue-gray. Both boys felt a jolt go through their bodies, as if they were electrocuted. Draco jumped, quickly dropping his eyes to his desk and pretending to be writing something down, his face heating up in a bright red flush. Draco sighed, knowing he made himself look like some creep.  

Harry smiled slightly, almost fondly, habitually rubbing the word across his palm in dark black letters with his thumb. 

 ** _Lucius_** ** _._ **  

~✩~

Draco flopped down in his usual seat at their lunch table, letting his head fall onto the surface. Pansy and Hermione shared a worried look, but for once stayed quiet, waiting for him to be ready to talk. 

"I don't think I can do it, Pans," The blonde mumbled after a few moments of silence, his voice muffled by the table.  

"Why not, Drake," pansy asked softly. she grabbed his right hand in hers and held it in a comforting gesture. This was one of the times Draco was grateful for having these two as his friends.  

"Scared, Malfoy?" Hermione teased, though he knew she was joking. He nodded, not feeling up to giving his usual retort. The girls shared a worried look again; something was terribly wrong. Even on his worst days he'd at least give them a curt 'fuck off,' "I was joking." 

"I know," Draco replied, before falling silent again. every thought was running through his mind at a rapid pace, unable to settle on one.  

"Okay, cut the shit, Drake. Tell us what's wrong," Pansy snapped, before adding at Hermione's look, "please." 

"I just can't do it. He probably thinks I'm some creep."  

Pansy was becoming frustrated with him at his lack of explanation, telling by the way she was gripping his hand. Hermione was quick to grab her free one in attempt to console her. The black-haired girl took a deep breath and nodded at her girlfriend.  

"He was the one who asked us, you know." 

Draco's head snapped up, so fast he pulled a muscle in his neck. He hissed, rubbing the sore spot.  

"Stop lying."  

"I promise we're not! Give us a little credit, will you? It's not like we lie to you  _all_ the time." Pansy replied, rolling her eyes slightly, "Besides. What would we even get out of lying to you?" 

Draco shrugged, "A good laugh at my demise." 

Pansy held down the urge to scream at him, not understanding why he was being so difficult. If anything, he should be at least a little happy; this was what he had been waiting for for years.  

Suddenly, an idea popped into her mind and she smiled. Draco watched as she let go of his hand and whipped out her phone, typing a few things in.  

Standing, Pansy smirked down at him, "I'll just go ask him myself."  

Draco blanched, opening his mouth to protest, but quickly shutting it as she walked over to the popular table. He looked at Hermione, who shrugged, a small proud smile on her face. The blonde groaned, dropping his head back down into his former position. 

Meanwhile, Pansy walked up to Harry, her phone behind her back, ignoring the stares of the others at the popular table. He smiled at her, recognition flitting across his face. 

"Would you come with me for a sec?" she asked, subtly hitting the record button. Harry nodded, letting his friends know he'd be back. The table erupted in whispers as they walked out into the hallway, stopping just outside of the cafeteria.  

"What's up?" 

"About that date..." Pansy started, "you'll still do it, right?" 

"The one with Draco Malfoy?" harry asked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. She nodded in confirmation, "Of course. Didn't I already tell you this?" 

"O-Oh, well, I just wanted to make sure." Pansy stuttered out, forcing a smile on his face. "Draco's kind of skeptical." _H_ _e's_ _gonna_ _hate me for saying that,_ Pansy thought, but shrugged it off. 

"Ah, okay. Well, tell him I said hi," Harry said, turning to go back into the room, though he stopped, "Oh, by the way... between you and me, I've liked him since freshman year." 

Harry winked at her and walked off, leaving a startled Pansy in his wake. She had always wondered why she'd never seen Harry date anyone, when basically everyone threw themselves at his feet. The dark-haired girl pressed stop on the recording, a bright smile breaking out onto her face as she practically ran back to their table.  

"You'll never guess what I just found out!" 

~✩~

"Oh my god, I might cry." Draco said, having just listened to the recording, pulling Pansy into an awkward hug across the table, "What did I ever do to deserve you?" 

Pansy chuckled, "Oh, don't get all sentimental on me now." She couldn't help but be happy for her friend, knowing this is probably the happiest he's felt in years. She felt him shake slightly in her arms, "Are you actually crying?" 

"I don't know," Draco laughed, pulling away from the embrace, wiping his eyes on his jacket sleeve of the happy tears found there. Hermione giggled at the sight; she'd never seen Draco cry in the years that she's known him, even if they were just happy tears. Draco found that he couldn't stop the large smile on his face, even when he could feel a certain curly-haired boy, smiling fondly despite the weird looks from his friends, looking his way.  


	2. bloom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: excessive blushing because draco is a flustered bean
> 
> (please read a/n at the end!)  
> \---
> 
> playlist:
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot 
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves & Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> Heavy - POWERS & Kiss - Pale Waves

_♫ PLAYLIST:[TROYE SIVAN - BLOOM](https://open.spotify.com/track/1hSOt9IeshMkuKP9ri4hOf?si=-cGLg1Q0TwO0JgjhFnF4Vw)_

* * *

Harry couldn't help but be excited for his date on Friday, with none other than his crush, Draco Malfoy. Believe it or not, it was his first in a long time. He felt giddy inside, knowing this might be his chance to make Draco his. 

Harry walked through the school hallways, an abnormally large smile on his face. He received some weird looks, only slightly different than the usual, but he couldn't care less. He was actually  _happy_. His friends repeatedly questioned him, though he refused to answer.  

"What's got you all smiley, Harry?" his red-headed friend, Ron Weasley, asked. Harry shrugged, his smile brightening as he thought about Draco again.  _Man am I whipped_. Ron's confused expression quickly changed into an understanding smirk.  

He bent down close to Harry's ear, whispering, "So who's the lucky girl?" 

Harry spluttered momentarily, the smile leaving his face, before regaining his composure. "It's no one." He tried to sound casual, but the lies shone through his voice.   

"C'mon, Har, you can tell me anything! I'm your best friend!" Ron whined, gesturing wildly with his arms in exaggeration. Harry rolled his eyes, not in the mood for his friend's antics. 

Harry shook his head, attempting to dismiss the conversation, "Come off it, Ron." But Ron kept persisting, a series of 'come on's and an adamant use of the 'best friend' card rapidly flying out of the ginger's mouth. 

"Harry—" 

"Ronald Billius Weasley, I swear to fucking god if you ask me again—" 

Ron winced at the use of his full name, Harry knowing full well that he hates it. Ron fell silent, leaving Harry feeling slightly guilty. He muttered a quiet 'fine', leaving Harry to walk on his own. 

On the way to class, he recognized a flash of familiar blonde hair out of the corner of his eye. His head snapped towards it and he fought down a smile.  

He walked up beside him, leaning down to whisper, "I can't wait for tonight,"  

The boy jumped in surprise, turning to look at him, but he had walked away before Draco could say anything. The two girls with him didn't seem to notice, too caught up in whatever conversation they were having. Harry smiled, fighting the urge to turn around and see Draco's reaction, walking into class. 

~☆~ 

Draco smiled at Harry's retreating back, looking at Pansy and Hermione to find them watching him. 

"What?" Draco asked, his smile dimming. The girls smirked simultaneously, sharing a knowing look. Sometimes it was creepy how similar they were; if they weren't soulmates, people would definitely think they were long lost siblings.  

"What'cha smilin' about, Dray?" Pansy asked instead of answering, her eyes glinting wildly. 

"Nothing." Draco replied quickly, too fast in his opinion, his voice going a pitch higher; a clear sign of lying. Draco mentally cursed his inability to lie. 

"Uh-huh," Pansy deadpanned, letting the topic drop, knowing Draco wouldn't answer. Draco sighed in relief, delving back into his thoughts of the night to come. 

~☆~  

 **_a few hours later._ **  

  

Draco paced the carpet in front of his closet, desperately trying to come up with an outfit to wear. He knew he was acting like the stereotypical teenager going on his first date, but he couldn't help it; turns out it actually happens.   

A timid knock sounded on the door, "Draco, may I come in?"  

Draco nodded dumbly, before realizing the person couldn't see him, "Of course, Mother." 

His mum, Narcissa, stepped in the room, and Draco crossed the room to hug her tightly.  

"Big day, eh?" Narcissa smirked, her eyes twinkling brightly as she winked. Draco rolled his eyes, though he couldn't help but smile. 

"Pansy told you I take it." Draco replied, making a mental note to yell at her, right after he thanked her for the date.  _Seeing as it goes well,_ Draco’s inner-voice in added. This only made his already extreme nervousness worse.  

"Of course," Narcissa said, "since you won't tell me anything anymore."  

Draco watched her expression sadden slightly, making him feel guilty. He wrapped arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head apologetically; he knew she was right. 

"I know, mother. It's just...hard to talk about some things with you," Draco started, adding quickly before he made things worse, "I mean, not everyone talks about their love-life with their parents. That's just weird." 

Narcissa smiled in acknowledgement and Draco sighed in relief. He knew his mother was just looking out for him, but she did tend to pull the "you don't talk to me anymore" card often.  

"Now. Let's get you ready." 

~☆~ 

Harry took a deep breath, pulling up to the address given to him by Pansy Parkinson. His hands were trembling with nerves; he gripped the steering wheel in attempt to calm down, his fingers paling in distress. 

The tan-skinned boy braced himself before getting out of the car and walking up the cement path. Harry couldn't help but worry briefly about how awkward this was bound to be. He rapped on the large door, the sound echoing off it. Footsteps tapped along the floor, the door swinging open in front of him. 

There, stood a middle-aged woman with soft features and a large smile on her face, "You must be Harry Potter," 

She said it like a statement, rather than a question. Harry blushed, containing his smirk in exchange for a kind smile; Draco must've told her a lot about him. 

"Draco!" she called, turning her head towards the inside of the house, "Your date is here!"  

Harry's nerves grew as he heard a faint, "Coming!" followed by the sound of quick footsteps. 

Draco appeared in the doorway in a nervous rush, dressed in a casual plaid flannel, paired with ripped light-colored jeans and black converse. his hair was styled as usual and swept to the side, a light blush eminent on his pale cheeks, “Hi.” 

"Hey,” Harry replied, smiling brightly. He watched as Draco adamantly shooed his mother from the door; she left with an  _it was nice to meet you!_  and the smirk still permanent on her face. The blonde stepped outside, closing the door behind him. 

“You look great,” Draco blushed harder, looking anywhere but at Harry’s smiling face. 

“But you look better,” Draco retorted, though he didn’t know where this random boost of confidence came from. 

Harry chuckled, “I assure you if we continue that way, you’ll lose that battle. Let’s go,” He turned away, walking towards his sleek black car. Draco didn’t know whether to be offended or flattered but followed anyways. Harry opened the passenger side door, motioning for Draco to get in. 

“Your chariot awaits,” 

Draco giggled, the sound bubbling from his throat freely, “Why thank you, kind sir.” He didn’t know how long it had been since he’d felt this at ease. The blonde settled into the shiny leather seats, internally rolling his eyes because  _of course he has leather seats._ Harry rounded the car, hopping into his own seat and turning the key in the ignition. “Where are we going?” 

Harry smirked, “You’ll see.”  

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. I hate surprises-” 

“I know,” Harry spoke a little too quickly, making Draco’s face heat up again. “It was Pansy’s idea.” 

“Great,” Draco mumbled, turning his head to look out the car window. He watched the outside fly by in blurs, making his stomach flip. He grimaced and looked away; now is not the time to get car sick. 

The ride went smoothly, quiet but for the local radio station playing overrated pop songs. They pulled into a small restaurant; Draco’s favorite.  

“This isn’t the surprise,” Harry blurted, before Draco could even think to say anything. “Well, part of it. I just figured we should eat first?” 

Draco nodded in response, shooting a smile in Harry’s direction. Both boys got out of the car, walking shoulder to shoulder inside. The warmth enveloped them, contrasting to the chilly October air. Draco looked around, though he didn’t know why he was so worried. It’s not like he cared that much about what people would think of them. 

The waitress came and politely led them to a table for two. She introduced herself as Alyssa to Harry, winking at Draco. 

“How are you, Drake?” Alyssa asked, her eyes twinkling in understanding. 

“I’m great,” Draco replied, flickering his eyes briefly in Harry’s direction to find emerald green staring back at him. Draco blushed lightly, “How’s the family?” 

“Oh, they’re wonderful. Do you think you and your mum would be up to stop by sometime? Adrien asks about you  _all_  the time.” 

Harry smiled at the interaction, admiring the way Draco’s eyes lit up when he spoke to this woman. 

“Of course, I’m sure she’d love to.” 

Alyssa excused herself soon after, not before taking their drink orders. 

“Family friend,” Draco answered the question dangling unasked above them.  

Harry nodded, “D’you have a lot of family?” 

“ _Oh_  yeah,” Draco replied, “though we don’t really talk to them anymore. It’s mostly me and my mum. Sometimes my father. What about you?”  _You’re asking as if you don’t know already,_ Draco’s subconscious criticized himself. His face heated, though it wasn’t as if Harry heard it. 

“I’m sure you know already,” Harry smirked slightly, watching Draco’s cheeks brighten, “but my parents were ‘unable to take care of me’ as a child, so my godfather and his husband took me in. Been living with them ever since.” 

Alyssa came over with their drinks, evidently saving Draco from having to respond. She wiggled her eyebrows once, making Draco roll his eyes and smile despite himself. He took his lemon-flavored iced tea and sipped determinedly, narrowing his eyes at the waitress. She merely giggled, took their orders for food and left again. 

The rest of the date went smoothly, filled with eating and inane “get to know each other better” talk. Harry paid the check and the two of them walked back out to Harry’s car. Draco sunk in his seat nervously, despite the excitement bubbling up in his stomach. 

Naturally, Harry noticed, “Don’t worry, you’ll like this.” 

~✩~ 

Soon enough, they arrived at their next destination; a white-sanded beach with glittering miscellaneous objects on its surface. Draco gasped, opening the car door and getting out before Harry even had the chance to cut the ignition. The setting sun reflected on the glass-like waters, shimmering almost blindingly. Despite being as pale, and cold, as winter, he loved the beach; something about it reminded him of better times, when he was truly happy.  

“It’s…” Draco started, “it’s beautiful." Draco sat down on the soft sand, letting the grains run through the spaces between his slender fingers. 

Harry came up from behind him and watched the awe flit across the blonde’s face, "Yeah, it is." He smiled fondly and sat next to Draco, turning to stare at the colors retreating on the horizon. 

A few quiet minutes pass, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore filling the silence between the two. Surprisingly, it wasn't awkward, but comfortable; it felt as if they've known each other for years. 

"Harry," Draco spoke, his voice sounding odd in the calm atmosphere. 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you...ever think about who your soulmate might be?" 

Harry breathed out a sigh, "Of course I do."  _I was hoping it might be you._ "Every second of every day." 

Draco looked at him in surprise; that was not the answer he was expecting, "Me too. If only it were easier..." 

He trailed off, leaving the statement in the dying wind. Draco’s chest ached as tears stung his eyes, but he willed them away. One tear escaped over his sharp cheekbones, trailing down and slipping over his jaw. He wiped it away quickly and sniffled.  

"How embarrassing-" 

"It's fine," Harry cut him off quickly, "I understand. It can be hard sometimes. Especially after, you know… seeing someone who doesn't turn out to be 'the one.'"  

Draco's breath hitched, memories of the past flitting behind his eyes. He tried so hard to suppress them since then, but he couldn’t help but think about it often. Harry’s eyes widened at his expression, realizing he had struck a chord. The tears soon came in waves, much like the ones a few feet ahead of them. Draco’s put his face in his hands, not wanting to show Harry this ugly side of himself. 

“Oh, Draco…” He stopped, not needing to say more. Harry moved closer to Draco, pulling the trembling boy into his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Draco sobbed, “I’m a fuck-up. I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore-” 

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Harry soothed, rubbing Draco’s back, “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

Draco shook his head, his voice coated with tears, “It’s my fault. I knew I would mess things up-” 

“Draco listen to me,” Harry started and waited for a response. The boy nodded into Harry’s chest, making the latter’s heart flutter. “Don’t you think I would’ve left by now if I didn’t want to be here?” 

Draco considered that for a moment, knowing he was just being stubborn per usual. But he didn’t want anyone pitying him. Especially not Harry. He hiccupped in response, preparing himself for the heartbreak he would feel when the warm arms wrapped around him departed. 

Much to the pale boy’s surprise, Harry only hugged him tighter. Draco’s heart swelled in his chest at security he felt in those tan arms. His tears had slowed and begun to dry; he was thankful that the darkness hid the puffy skin under his eyes. 

Harry leaned back, Draco still in his embrace, and settled onto the soft sand. The newly-risen moon shone on the calmed waves, casting a soft glow on the pair. Draco shifted further into Harry’s chest, feeling the light rise and fall of his chest. His heartbeat thumped in rhythm against Draco’s ear, reminding him that this was, in fact, real.  

Harry looked down at the blonde, watching the dying tears roll down the illuminated features. He was truly the most beautiful person he had ever seen. 

The crisp air grew colder as they lay there, though neither of them really cared. However, they knew that they would eventually have to leave. 

“We should go,” Harry whispered softly. Draco nodded, but he remained in the same spot. The dark-haired boy sighed and moved to sit up but was stopped by a hand pushing him back down. 

"Please," Draco croaked out, "Let's- can we just stay a little longer?" 

Harry sighed again, his heart clenching at the sadness in Draco's voice, "Yeah, of course." 

The two lay there in the pale moonlight; for how long neither knew. They just enjoyed each other's company until they would have to leave each other's embrace. 

~✩~  

Harry pulled up to the Malfoy household, and turned to Draco to find him already staring at him. 

"I'm sorry I cried-" 

"Listen, Draco-" 

They spoke at the same time, causing both to blush. Harry shyly muttered for Draco to go first. 

"I'm sorry I cried and probably ruined the night," Draco mumbled, chuckling nervously, "It's my problem and I didn't need to put it on you too." 

"I told you," Harry laughed softly, "It's fine. Totally understandable."  

 "I mean who cries on the first date?!" Draco exclaimed, gesturing with his hands wildly in emphasis. 

"Are you implying that there will be another one?" Harry smirked, regaining his playfully snide composure. Draco's face heated for probably the hundredth time as he looked down at his lap. Harry did seem to have that effect on him. 

"If you want to...?" Draco trailed off, looking up at Harry through blonde lashes. 

"It's a date, then," Harry smiled brightly. Draco flicked his eyes towards his house to avoid looking into the other boy observing him. Only a few lights were still on, meaning he had some time to spare before his mother came to find him. 

"Draco," Harry started, grabbing the blonde's soft hand in his own, "I had a great time today. Even if you did cry, I'm glad it wasn't because of me," 

The red on the pale boy's cheeks brightened as he pushed at Harry's chest playfully. 

"And I wanted to say...that I really like you. For a while now actually." Harry continued, rubbing his thumb subconsciously on the back of Draco's hand. "I was wondering..."  

Draco held his breath absentmindedly, waiting for what he knew was coming.  

"Will you be my boyfriend?" 

It seemed as if time froze in that very moment. Draco's heart was pounding against his ribcage, so hard it almost hurt. Time regained and Draco felt nauseated. 

“I-I…” Draco stuttered, and looked away, his mind reeling. Of course he likes Harry.  _A lot._ But after what happened…he didn’t know if he was ready. “I don’t know.” 

Harry looked at him in confusion; you could practically see the gears turning slowly in his head, making Draco feel guilty. 

“Don’t get me wrong!” Draco exclaimed, “I do like you. A lot. I just…”  

He looked back up at Harry to find him smiling, almost sadly, “I get it, Draco–” 

“I’m willing to try, though.” Draco blurted out. 

Harry laughed, “Okay.” 

“Well, I have to get going,” Draco mumbled, staring at his hand in the larger tan one, “Don’t want to worry my mum.” 

The curly-haired boy smiled crookedly and nodded. He leaned forward and kissed Draco’s forehead, not wanting to pressure him into anything. 

“Bye Draco. I’ll see you later.” 

Draco’s face turned a red that put tomatoes to shame, “Y-Yeah, of course.” 

He hopped out of the car and closed the door, only to be stopped by a voice, “Wait! Give me your number so we can talk.” 

Draco smiled, taking the phone in Harry’s outstretched hand and putting his number in. 

The blonde leaned on the car door, tucking a strand of loose hair back into place, “I had fun tonight.” 

“Me too,” Harry replied, his voice soft and fond. 

“I’ll see you at school,” Draco said, backing away from the car.  

“Naturally.” Harry revved the engine and drove off, leaving Draco a still-blushing mess on the sidewalk. 

Draco turned towards his house, walking up the pathway to the front door. He reached a hand towards the door knob, only to have it pulled open from the inside. 

There, stood a woman he didn’t recognize. She had dark brown hair, her makeup smudged in various places and her clothing looked distressed. Her mouth was stuck open in an ‘o’ shape as she looked back at his mother, who was in a similar state. 

“Draco!” Narcissa shouted from the couch in feigning surprise, though her nervousness showed through, “You’re home! I thought you'd still be out...” 

Draco walked through the doorway, past the mysterious woman, “Uh, yeah…who’s this?” 

Narcissa sighed, “I suppose it’s time you two meet,” 

The blonde sat cautiously on the couch, not really knowing what to expect. 

“This is Bella. My girlfriend." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so surprised by the amount of attention this is getting?? thank you to those of you who have read this so far :) next chapter will be up soon!


	3. daddy issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter three is finally up! sorry for the long wait :(  
> \---  
> playlist:
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot 
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves & Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> Heavy - POWERS & Kiss - Pale Waves

_♫ PLAYLIST:[THE NEIGHBOURHOOD - DADDY ISSUES](https://open.spotify.com/track/5E30LdtzQTGqRvNd7l6kG5?si=x84Eppo4RW-LlLhtOiqOpg)_

* * *

_"T_ _his is Bella. My girlfriend.”_

Draco’s jaw fell open in shock, “Your...what?”

_His mum was… cheating?_

“Yes, dear,” Narcissa smiled sadly, “Your father and I have long separated, but he thinks it’s best he stays here for the time being,”

Draco huffed out a breathy laugh, despite his confusion; does this mean he doesn’t have to deal with his father anymore? He stood, crossing the room to his mother and hugging her. She made a weird noise of surprise but hugged him back. The blonde noticed the woman, Bella, watching them with a fond smile. _She seems… normal._

“You’re,” Narcissa started, “happy about it?” Draco rolled his eyes; she really doesn’t know him at all.

“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy too.” Draco muttered, internally cringing from the cheesiness of that statement. He pulled away from the hug with a small smile, “Besides, I don’t have to let Father control my every move anymore–”

“Well, Draco,” A deep familiar voice remarked from the front doorway, “I’m not quite sure that’s exactly true. I _am_ still your father after all.”

“Father–” _Looks like I was wrong._

“Where were you tonight?” Lucius spoke in an eerily calm voice that made Draco nervous. His dark blue eyes narrowed into slits, scrutinizing his son under his stare.

"Out." Draco stated simply, his voice somehow remained unwavering. He watched with wary eyes as the elder's expression darken.

"With whom?"

“A b- friend.” Draco said, cursing his impulsive mind for making things worse. Lucius’ lips curled, quirking his eyebrows in satisfaction, seemingly finding the answer he was looking for.

“Ah,” Lucius smirked, “A boy, 

Draco paled slightly, though he wasn’t quite sure what he was afraid of. Lucius has been against the idea that Draco is gay for years; he’s a firm believer that _it’s just a phase_ and that he’ll grow out of it.

Still, Draco stood tall. If he lets his father’s words get to him, who knows what might happen, “And? So, what?” Lucius stalked forward, and Draco backed away until his back was flat against the off-white wall.

“So, what?!” Lucius snarled, spit flying onto Draco's cheek. Draco cringed but didn’t move. He watched his mother dismiss the woman from the house out of the corner of his eye. She left without another word. “You’re a fucking disgrace is what! Being gay is a sin! When will you get that through your thick skull?!"

Draco felt himself grow furious, filling him up to the brim, "No, when will _you_ get it through _your_ thick skull that being gay isn't a fucking choice?! When will you understand that I can't change who I am?!"

Lucius swung so fast Draco didn't see it coming, but he felt it. Everything was slow-moving, his vision blurry but for the sight of his father still standing there. The impact left him delirious as he let his head drop to the carpet, though he didn't remember getting there. His left cheek stung, something trickled down it. He lifted a hand and tentatively touched the spot, pulling it away to find a blotch of red; blood. His father adjusted the ring on his left ring finger, which was now lightly tinged with red.

"One day you'll learn," Lucius muttered, spit-shining the thick silver band, "That you'll never win as long as I'm here."

He left, leaving Draco to lie on the floor, his head throbbing. He couldn't see his mother, and his heart twinged in disbelief that she might’ve left him alone with _him._

On the contrary, she appeared with an ice pack and a few bandages in her hand. Narcissa kneeled by his side, reaching an arm behind his back to prop him up against the wall. Draco watched her patch him up in her usual gentle nature, motherly. She dabbed a disinfectant onto his cheek, the cold startling the warm skin, but Draco didn’t flinch.

“I’m proud of you,” Narcissa mumbled, looking into his eyes and stroking his uninjured cheek, “More than you know,”

Her lip trembled, making Draco’s eyes well up with fresh tears. He pulled his mother into his chest, letting the tears fall for the second time that evening. Narcissa wept into the fabric of his flannel, clutching him as close to her as she could.

“I feel like I’ve failed as a mother,” Narcissa cried, “Letting him get to you like that,”

Draco’s heart broke in his chest, tightening his hold on her, “You haven’t. It’s my fault, not yours.”

Narcissa shook her head sharply, “No. I should’ve made him leave a long time ago,”

She pulled out of his embrace, quickly wiping the tears under her eyes and smudging the already messy mascara. Draco watched her stand,

“Mother—”

“Hush, Draco. It’s time things change around here.”

And she was gone.

Draco sat alone, thudding his head back against the wall. _Was this the universe telling me I don’t deserve happiness? Even for one night?_

Draco sighed; maybe it was too good to be true.

~☆~

**_monday._ **

 

Draco walked tiredly down the steps of his house, having gotten maybe two hours of sleep the night before. He was kept up by his thoughts, mainly remaining on Harry and his father. Narcissa came to greet him, giving him a peck on the cheek before letting him go off to school.

The blonde left his house, hopping into his silver car and driving the short distance to school. He pulled into the parking lot, cutting the engine. Draco paused momentarily, wondering just how much things would change since Friday. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out slowly; this was it.

Draco got out of the car and was immediately ambushed by girls. With one look at the hair on their heads, he knew exactly who they were; Pansy and Hermione. He wrinkled his nose as a chunk of bushy hair tickled his nostrils. Before he could even open his mouth to speak, the girls pulled away and spoke enthusiastically.

“How was it?”

“Great- “

“Did you two fuck?”

“What?! No-!”

“Well don’t just stand there, give us the deets!”

“As long as you promise to never use the word ‘deets’ ever again,”

Pansy nodded eagerly, so fast it looked as if her head would roll off her shoulders. Hermione giggled, her eyes twinkling in amusement. Draco relayed the events in order, leaving out only the minor details. He soon arrived at the embarrassing part, his face heating at the very thought of it.

“Before I tell you this,” Draco started, hesitating, “promise me you won’t laugh.”

Pansy and Hermione exchanged a look but agreed anyways. How bad could it be?

Draco sighed, “We were sitting next to each other on the sand, and naturally I was thinking too much for my own good…so I asked if he thought of his soulmate…” The memory resurfaced vividly, as if he were still there on that beach.

_"Harry," Draco spoke, his voice sounding odd in the calm atmosphere._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you...ever think about who your soulmate might be?"_

_Harry breathed out a sigh, "Of course I do." I was hoping it might be you. "Every second of every day."_

_Draco flickered his eyes over to him in surprise; that was not the answer he was expecting, "Me too. If only it were easier..."_

_He trailed off, leaving the statement in the dying wind. Draco’s chest ached as tears stung his eyes, but he willed them away. One tear escaped over his sharp cheekbones, trailing down and slipping over his jaw. He wiped it away quickly and sniffled._

_"How embarrassing-"_

_"It's fine," Harry cut him off quickly, "I understand. It can be hard sometimes. Especially after… seeing someone who doesn't turn out to be the one."_

_Draco's breath hitched, memories flitting behind his eyes. He tried so hard to suppress them since then, but he couldn’t help but think about it often. Harry’s eyes widened at his expression, realizing he had struck a chord. The tears soon came in waves, much like the ones a few feet ahead of them. Draco’s put his face in his hands, not wanting to show Harry this ugly side of himself._

_“Oh, Draco…” He stopped, not needing to say more. Harry moves closer to Draco, pulling the trembling boy into his arms._

Draco finished his explanation but didn’t dare look at the girls in front of him. At some point he had covered his face with his hands to hide the darkening blush on his cheeks, so it wasn’t as if he had a choice. He peeked through his fingertips to find the dark-haired girl looking at him in an amused sadness, only a look Pansy could pull. Pansy grabbed him by the arm, slowly pulling him into a hug. He tentatively returned the embrace and looked at Hermione, who gave him a weak shrug.

“I’m still sorry you had to go through that,” Pansy mumbled into his chest, loud enough that he could just barely hear her, “No one should have to, especially not you.” Draco smiled sadly, feeling that for the first time, maybe that statement was true.

“But really,” Pansy continued, pulling back enough to look the blonde in the eye, “Crying on the first date?”

Draco’s face brightened, pushing Pansy away from him, “Way to ruin the moment!”

Pansy bent over in an obnoxious cackle, those around her looking at her in surprise or disgust. Hermione let out a small giggle, though she was used to this. Draco ducked his head in embarrassment.

“Would you be quiet!” Draco whisper-yelled, “Besides, it did lead to…better things.”

That shut her up. Pansy’s ears perked up, reminding Draco of a dog at the mention of treats, “Spill.”

Draco inhaled deeply and spoke all in one breath, “WecuddledandheaskedmeoutbutIkindofturnedhimdowninawaybecauseI’mtooafraidofgettinghurtagain,”

“Draco, slow down,” Hermione piped in.

“We cuddled. And he asked me out,” Draco muttered, Pansy’s eyes widening in response, “But I kind of turned him down, in a way, because I’m too afraid of getting hurt again,”

“What do you mean _in a way_?”

“I mean,” Draco breathed out, “that I agreed to try.”

The dark-skinned girl squealed in delight, hugging Draco happily, "I’m so proud of you!” Draco blushed, though he couldn’t help but smile.

Pansy grinned at him, slinging an arm around his waist and leaning into him, “Me too.” Draco was glad to have these people as his best friends.

~✩~

Harry hated his friends. Well, so-called friends. He was never one for using that word, but at that moment he knew he felt it strongly.

For whatever reason, they thought it was okay to interrogate him until he told them why he skipped out on the party they were throwing, the same one they throw every Friday. Of course, he would tell his friends about Draco, but he wanted to make sure the latter was okay with it first. As his friends, Harry assumed they would be understanding, since he was there every other time. Apparently not.

Now he sat, alone, at one of the empty tables outside, when all he wanted was to see his favorite blonde boy. The wind blew threw his thin jacket and the curls on top of his head, making the hair stand on his arms as he shivered. Harry picked at the chipping red paint on the table out of boredom, his chin propped up on his left hand.

Suddenly, a loud laugh broke the quiet atmosphere. Harry snapped his head in that direction, recognizing a blushing Draco and his two girl best friends around him. He smiled fondly at the trio, though he could only guess at what they were talking about. As creepy as it may sound, watching them talk was entertaining; even though they tease a lot, you could tell that their friendship was genuine.  

As much as he didn’t want to break up their chat, Harry couldn’t stand not talking to Draco any longer. He whipped out his phone, finding the blonde’s contact and texting him.

 

 **Today** 07:14

Hey, it’s Harry

Can we meet somewhere?

_Delivered_

Harry looked up and watched Draco take out his phone. A smile appeared on his pale face, making the girls immediately question him. He swatted them away and typed a reply.

 

of course

where are you?

Look around

 **_Read_ ** _07:15_

Harry saw his head snap up and search the courtyard. Draco’s gray-blue eyes soon found his own and smiled again. Harry waved him over as Draco said goodbye to his friends. The blonde practically speed-walked to the table, sitting across from the curly-haired boy.

“Hey,” Draco said, his breath forming a cloud in a trail after the single spoken word.

“Hey,” Harry replied, giving the blonde a toothy smile, “How’ve you been?”

“Fine,” Draco mumbled, though only he knew it was far from fine, “Maybe not as well as I hoped,”

“Why, what happened?” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, concern lacing his voice. Draco hesitated; of course, he didn’t want to lie, but did he really want to reveal so much too soon?

“Just some family problems,” Draco went with instead, “The usual. What about you?”

Harry dropped the topic, knowing Draco would tell him if he were ready. He let out an exasperated sigh, and Draco knew he wanted to talk about this with someone, “My so-called friends being pricks. Not that big of a deal.”

“Tell me,” Draco replied, grabbing one of the large, tan hands on the table in his, “You clearly want to get it off your chest.” Draco may have seemed composed on the outside, but he was secretly losing it on the inside. He didn’t know what made him do it, but he didn’t regret it at the look on Harry’s face: contentment.

“They just don’t…respect me?” Harry started, adding quickly, “Not that they have to! I just figured that since they’re my _friends,_ they kind of should, you know?”

“Yeah,” Draco whispered, half-listening and more-so mesmerized by the way Harry’s lips move when he talks up close, “What’d they do?”

“Well…they wanted to know where I was Friday,” Harry said, slowly getting distracted by the soft caress of Draco’s thumb on the back of his hand. Draco froze momentarily, and Harry’s eyes widened, “I didn’t tell them, if that’s what you’re thinking. I mean I wanted to…I just thought I should ask you first?”

Draco looked up from their clasped hands in surprise, “I figured I’d be the one asking you that, Mr. Popular.”

“Oh please,” Harry laughed, dismissing the nickname with a wave of a hand, “I don’t care for popularity. I do, however, care about you.”

Draco breathed out a flustered laugh, looking back down. They were technically _dating,_ but Harry somehow still had this effect on him, “And I do you. I’m fine with… ‘coming out’ as long as you are.”

Harry sighed in relief, giving Draco’s hand a soft squeeze, “I’m glad-“

His voice was cut off by the vexatious shrill of the morning bell. Harry groaned openly as Draco sighed, neither wanting to go so soon. Harry stood first, releasing their hands, only to offer his right hand for Draco to take.

“Shall we?” Harry smirked, and the blonde rolled his eyes, but intertwined his slender hand into the larger one anyway. Nerves bubbled in Draco’s stomach, a few people already giving them odd looks. Naturally, Harry noticed and rubbed the back of Draco’s hand with his thumb, the same way the pale boy did to his. He leaned down and whispered into Draco’s ear, “You okay?”

Draco nodded quickly, attempting to take a deep breath, “Just get me through this,” It had been a while since he had any sort of anxiety attack, and he wasn’t about to start again. Especially not in front of the entire school.

The boys walked hand in hand through the entryway, and the hall went silent. Draco was sure he could hear a pin drop. Harry practically pulled him down the hallway, for he was too frozen to walk himself. The eyes of the other students burned holes in Draco’s back, but he didn’t dare let it get to him. With one look at Harry’s determined face, he felt instantly better. The blonde stood up straighter as they rounded the corner to the next hall, filled with the same reaction.

Eventually, they arrived at an empty art classroom and locked the door behind them. Draco huffed in relief, sitting on the nearest desk. His light-colored eyes widened at the realization of what just happened.

“I can’t believe we just did that!” Draco exclaimed, running a hand through his feathery hair. Harry watched him in amusement. “I could-“ Draco stopped, not quite knowing where this was coming from.

“Could what?”

“…Kiss you?” Draco said nervously, though it came out as a question. Harry’s expression changed into something Draco couldn’t decipher. The tan-skinned boy walked the small distance between them, tentatively putting his hands on either side of the boy’s small waist.

“Then do it.” Harry muttered, his voice gravelly with longing. Draco leaned in slowly as Harry did the same. Draco cupped the tan face in his hands, his confidence building as he pressed his lips against the latter’s. His eyelids fluttered shut, Harry following his lead. Harry responded quickly, hooking his fingers in the belt loops of Draco’s skinny jeans and pulling him closer. Draco tilted his head, giving Harry permission to deepen the kiss by practically crushing their faces together. Harry swiped his tongue along the blonde’s soft bottom lip, asking for entrance. Draco’s lips parted, allowing Harry’s tongue to slip inside, licking at the inside of his mouth. It felt as if they were on a cloud, with no one in sight but the two of them. And Draco loved every second of it.

Eventually, Draco pulled away breathlessly and rested his forehead against Harry’s, letting out a breathy laugh. Harry smiled at the sound, opening his eyes to look at his boy. Man, did it feel good to call him that.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Harry whispered, his soft voice sounding out of place in the room that was filled with sounds of lips locked together just moments before. Draco pecked his lips again.

“Yes, I do.” Draco replied, his eyes flickering non-stop from Harry's swollen lips to his chocolate eyes.

“You wanna skip first period?”

“Hell yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk when the next chapter will be up, but i'll try my best to get it going soon. if any of you have any ideas or something of how I could continue, don't hesitate to share, i'm a little stuck sjksjks
> 
> as always, thank you for the support on this story!


	4. coaster & hostage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to coaster by khalid while reading, it's perfect for this chapter ;)  
> hostage by billie eilish also went w/ this chp so that's there too (don't take it literally lol)
> 
> also! maybe trigger warning? mentions of abuse will be in this chapter and i apologize in advance  
> \---
> 
> playlist:
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot 
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves & Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> Heavy - POWERS & Kiss - Pale Waves

_♫ PLAYLIST:[KHALID - COASTER](https://open.spotify.com/track/39KG4kom3enSx4GTThuDGt?si=Fm-u86wiT9yg4fDb6K3Cjw) & [BILLIE EILISH - HOSTAGE](https://open.spotify.com/track/1WsEgieHsWWndAzLkmV105?si=uKJaDk8ETxm4zAEQkUFw-w)_

* * *

Draco lie flat on his back on his plush gray carpet, staring up at his off-white ceiling. He didn’t know how long he had been there; it could have been minutes, maybe even hours. The moonlight now shone through his curtains, reflecting onto his bedroom wall. His gray-blue eyes trailed the ceiling, finding various misshapen figures out of boredom. 

Truth is, Draco couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. More specifically, the kisses he’s shared with him. It felt right in the moment, so why is he regretting it now? 

Draco ran his fingers through his soft blonde hair in a frustrated manner, putting his hands behind his head. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like Harry; anyone could tell he did just by looking at him. Ever since _he_ left him that day just one year ago, Draco was stuck picking up his own broken pieces. His eyes soon fluttered shut in exhaustion, his vision slowly fading into sleep. 

~✩~

 _“Draco_ _,” The dark-skinned boy started,_ _grabbing_ _Draco’s slender, pale hand in his own. The blonde leaned_ _back into his_ _hard chest,_ _nestling his head into the crook of his neck._  

 _“Yeah,_ _babe_ _?” Draco responded_ _, fiddling with the latter’s fingers_ _. When the boy didn’t answer_ _, he turned his head to look at his boyfriend’s_ _stony_ _face, “Blaise?” His dark brown eyes flickered to gray-blue ones_ _,_ _sending chills down Draco’s_ _spine_ _._  

 _“Do you think it’s…time?” Blaise_ _asked,_ _looking hard into Draco’s eyes, “It’s killing_ _me not knowing whether_ _or not_ _we’re…” He trailed off, both knowing the end_ _to_ _that sentence. It had always been a topic_ _they avoided; they were happy with their relationship and didn’t want a_ _small detail to change anything._  

 _“I-If you want to_ _!_ _” Draco stuttered_ _nervously, “I suppose we could…”_  

 _Blaise smiled_ _, showing off his signature pearly whites, “_ _Then it’s settled._ _Show at the same time?”_  

 _Draco nodded quickly_ _, shuffling off Blaise to roll up his left sleeve_ _while the latter did the same._  

 _“Ready?”_  

 _“Ready.”_  

 _They pulled at their sleeves simultaneously_ _, revealing the black ink._ _Draco rubbed at his wrist,_ _smudging the cover-up he had applied off._ _Draco’s eyes darted_ _to_ _the word on Blaise’s dark skin, his heart dropping in his chest._ _He sat frozen, watching_ _as it was angrily covered with the_ _dark material of a jacket_ _._ _His face heated as the tears came,_ _his skin angry with_ _a new red mark._ _Draco raised his hand to_ _hold_ _the s_ _pot struck a moment before by the hand he loved holding the most._  

 _“I never want to see you again,” Blaise_ _yelled_ _, grabbing his car keys from the glass table in front of him,_ _turning and pointing an accusing finger in Draco’s face,_ _“I bet you knew this whole time_ _, you slut. Using me whenever you’d like_ _just to go off with someone else.”_  

 _“You know that’s not true!” Draco cried_ _, scrambling off the couch to stand in front of the door._ It’s you who does that to me. _“Please, Blaise, we can make this work! We_ _always do!”_  

 _“Move.”_  

 _The pale boy never knew how much a simple word spoken from the person he_ _thought he_ _loved most could hurt_ _until that moment_ _._  

 _“No_ _!_ _” Draco_ _shouted_ _, his voice still trembling with tears, “I won’t let you.”_  

 _Blaise stalked forward, grabbing Draco by the front of his shirt_ _, “Don’t ever speak to me ever again_ _. We’re done.”_ _He spat in the blonde’s face_ _, leaving literal flecks on the white skin._ _The black-haired boy_ _threw Draco_ _out of the way, his_ _already fragile body slamming into the wall, hard enough to make a few picture frames fall_ _and crash to the wooden floor_ _. Blaise_ _flung the door open and_ _stormed out,_ _leaving the broken boy alone._ _Draco_ _lay there for a few moments,_ _realization hitting him_ _like a train. Sobs racked his body as he curled his body in on itself_ _,_ _his tears coming hard and fast._ _He_ _couldn’t take it anymore; Draco_ _screamed, a loud, deafening one that_ _burned his throat_ _as it bubbled out_ _._ _As hurt as he was, words couldn’t describe the relief he felt when he finally let go of everything he had_ _held in for months on end._ _A blur of movement_ _caught his eye as a pair of arms_ _sat him up and wrapped around his midriff. The familiar_ _scent of vanilla filling his nos_ _trils_ _, calming him ever so slightly_ _as h_ _is muffled cries_ _were soaked up by the girl’s chest. He felt Pansy breathing_ _words into his ear, but he didn’t hear them. The pounding in his head dying for attention was too much to bare._ _His breathing became ragged as he trembled harshly in the girl’s arms._ I need out. Let me out. _Draco thought to himself, thoughts zooming around his mind like race cars going at 100 miles per hour._  

 _“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Pansy whispered,_ _rocking him back in forth gently as she let her own tears fall, “_ _I’m here, Draco, you’re okay. Draco. Draco.”_  

“Draco!”  

His eyes snapped open with a gasp as Draco sat up in surprise, his head colliding with a hard object above him, making him fall back into the lush carpet. He groaned openly, his eyes shut in pain as he clutched his now throbbing forehead. 

“Draco are you okay?”  

He took that moment to finally realize that there was a weight on his abdomen. At the achingly familiar voice, he peeked one eye open until a sliver of the person was in view; Pansy. 

Draco sighed, opening his eyes and positioning himself to lean back on his elbows, “Yeah, fine.” He looked around the room, noticing it was still dark outside, his lamp being the only source of light in the room. Draco furrowed his blonde brows, “What time is it?” 

“Eh, maybe two in the morning? And are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been crying,” Pansy pointed out, wiping a stray tear off his cheekbone. Draco tentatively touched his face; sure enough, his cheeks were still wet with slow-drying tears. 

“It was just…” Draco began, massaging the back of his neck, sore from sleeping on the floor, “ _that_ memory again.” 

Pansy pursed her lips, rolling off Draco to flop next to him instead. She moved closer, curling into his side, “But you haven’t had that ‘dream’ in months…right?’ 

Draco laid back down and thought back on it, realizing she was right. He sighed again, “I was just overthinking, per usual. What’d you come by for anyway?” 

Pansy didn’t miss the not-so-subtle topic change, but accepted it regardless, “To check on you of course. Your-“ 

“-Mother called, yes.” Draco cut her off matter-of-factly, earning an eye roll from the dark-haired girl; whenever his mother sensed something wrong with him, she called Pansy immediately, as she knew Draco would never tell her. “Why?” 

“ _Because_ you’ve apparently been holed up in here since you got home. Care to tell why?” Pansy remarked, poking the blonde accusingly in the side. Draco winced slightly but said nothing. 

“Well…” Draco trailed off, collecting his thoughts before speaking, “For one, we basically came out to the entire school this morning,” 

Pansy gasped, a smile making its way onto her face, “Oh my god, Draco, that’s huge!” 

Draco chuckled lightly, though he still wasn’t in the mood, “On top of that, we skipped first period together,” 

“And?” 

“…We kissed.” Draco whispered numbly, adding as an afterthought, “Multiple times.” 

Pansy made a noise in her throat of a mix between a squeal and a snort,  sitting up in surprise, “Draco! That’s great!” 

Draco swallowed, his mouth growing drier by the second, “I thought so too…but don’t you think maybe we’re moving too fast?” 

Pansy clicked her tongue in annoyance, “I get it; you’re afraid of _it_ happening again. But I think you should give the poor guy a chance. He’s been waiting a long time for this too, you know.” 

Draco breathed a laugh through his nose and flung himself at Pansy, wrapping his arms around her, “You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.” 

Pansy smirked smugly, hugging him back and burying her head in his shoulder, her smirk turning into a frown of worry, “I know.”  

Draco sighed in contentment, but he still had his doubts. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt Harry over his own insecurities or bother him with his problems. _What do I do?_  

~✩~

**_a few days later._   **

 

Harry hadn’t seen Draco since Monday. He felt like a bad boyfriend for not knowing what was wrong, especially since he’s tried everything to get ahold of him; calling, texting, even going to his house. At the same time, he hoped he didn’t come off as stalkerish, even though he unknowingly made it his job to protect Draco at all costs. 

He sat down at the same table as he did every day, the same one he sat at with Draco the last morning he saw him, hoping to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend, just to know that he was okay. At this point, Harry would be fine with not talking to him, if that was what the boy wanted. Harry ran his fingers through his curls out of sheer boredom, tilting his head up to watch the clouds blow by to pass the time. 

Minutes later, he watched a car pull into the parking lot, two girls who he remembered as Pansy and Hermione hopping out and walking towards the school. Harry could barely contain his smile of relief as he jumped up from the table and ran over to them. Others in the courtyard watched in awe and confusion as he sped by them. 

Pansy looked up, clearly startled to see someone running straight at them. She contemplated grabbing Hermione and fleeing but stopped completely at recognition of the person. He slowed as he neared them, leaning against Hermione’s car to momentarily catch his breath. 

“Uh…can we help you?” Pansy asked, the question coming out more bitter than she hoped. Hermione flickered her eyes briefly towards her, giving her a stern look that said _what was that?_ The dark-haired girl shrugged in response. 

“Do you know where Draco’s been?” Harry blurted, scratching his head subconsciously. 

Pansy furrowed her dark eyebrows, “What do you mean?” _He’s the boyfriend, shouldn’t he know?_  

“He hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts,” Harry said, “I figured he was sick or something, so I let him be for a few days. But now I’m worried about him.” 

“Oh, that boy has got something coming,” Pansy mumbled, clearly annoyed. She whipped out her phone, preparing to type something in, “This is exactly what we talked about!” 

At Harry’s confused expression, Hermione piped in, “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.” 

Before Pansy could press the call button, Harry pushed her phone down slightly to stop her, “Actually do you mind if I go…?” 

Pansy stared at him blankly, sending a chill up the boy’s spine. She nodded reluctantly, tucking her phone back into her pocket, pointing a sudden finger in Harry’s face, “Don’t do anything you’ll regret,” 

Harry was confused by her meaning behind that, but answered anyway, “I won’t.” 

With that, Hermione interlocked her hand with Pansy’s, turning to walk through the crimson doors of their shared high school.  

Harry walked around the parking lot, gathering his thoughts for what he’d say to Draco when he finally saw him while he looked for his car.  

Finding it, he quickly got in and started the car. He pulled out of the space, driving the short distance to Draco’s house. 

Upon arrival, he remained in the driver’s seat, gathering the courage to go up and knock. He’d done this before, so why was he so nervous? Harry got out of the car, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking with nerves. He walked up the short pathway lined with lively narcissus flowers, the decoration calming him down ever so slightly.  

Harry raised his fist, knocking loudly on the door. He waited a few moments; no response. He repeated the action, yelling through the door, “Draco?” Still with no answer, Harry grew frustrated.  

Hoping that this wasn’t a creepy thing to do, he tried the doorknob, finding it unlocked. He scoffed in disbelief, turning it and pushing the door open widely. Faint music that he couldn’t recognize drifted down from up the carpeted stairs and he felt his heart lurch forward. Harry crept inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He slowly walked up the stairs, cursing his weight when they creaked loudly.  

Luckily, the music remained unbothered, still flowing out from underneath the second door on his right. He soon reached the top of the stairs, moving towards the door in anticipation. Harry rapped his knuckles on the door lightly, hoping it was loud enough for the boy inside to hear.  

Sure enough, he heard a faint “ _come in_ ” from the other side. Harry opened the door, finding Draco sat up against the headboard of his bed, petting a small cat that was curled up by his leg and typing something up on his laptop at the same time. He adjusted his adorable black reading glasses on the bridge of his nose before speaking, his eyes remaining in front of him. 

“You’re home early.” 

Harry barely held back a laugh, reminding himself that he was here for a certain reason, “Am I?” 

Draco’s head snapped up in surprise, his gray-blue eyes meeting Harry’s emerald green, “H-Harry…w-what are you doing here?” 

“‘M here to check on you, of course.” Harry responded, crossing the room to sit on the end of Draco’s gray-covered mattress. He could hardly contain the salt coating his voice, “Since you won’t answer my calls.” 

Draco’s face heated, looking back down at the white cat next to him, who in turn looked up at Harry with large blue eyes, “I-I can explain…” 

“Please.” Harry said, his voice hard and unreadable. Draco half-expected him to interject, get angry with him. But in a very Harry-like way, he didn’t, leaving Draco to have to explain himself. 

“I…where should I start?”  

“The beginning would be nice.” 

Draco sighed, knowing exactly what the ‘beginning’ entails. He removed his laptop from his lap, closing it and placing it on the floor beside the bed. Draco moved to take his glasses, but stopped at the sound of Harry's voice,

"Don't. They look cute on you."

Draco blushed, scoffing in disbelief. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and mentally preparing himself for the wounds he would soon be reopening. 

“I guess it’s about time I told you… Over a year and a half ago, I met a boy named Blaise through mutual friends. We clicked instantly and soon grew inseparable. After a few months, I had realized my feelings for him, as he did for me. Naturally, he asked me out and I said yes. We became that gross couple that did everything and anything together. We were happy. I, for once, felt the happiest I had been in a long time.” 

Harry’s heart clenched in jealousy, but he held it back, knowing he was thinking irrationally. It’s bound to be a hard topic for the blonde to talk about. 

“As young and rebellious teens, we partied _a lot_. Every weekend, we would hit up some random kid’s party and drink ourselves silly. I remember Blaise always had a hard time holding his alcohol, and he usually became fairly…violent.” 

Draco choked on the last word but composed himself. Harry hesitated for a moment, before moving to sit right beside the latter. He grabbed hold of the pale hand that was flat against the small cat’s back. Draco sighed before continuing. 

“He started drinking more often, about every other day, if not every day. I was surprised, as we were only sixteen at the time, but he thought it was okay. He would say how he would be fine, that he wouldn’t drink that much. But he always did. I still remember the first time h-he… hit me.” 

Harry’s fist clenched subconsciously by his side and Draco was quick to squeeze his hand to attempt to calm him down. Harry looked over at him, their eyes reconnecting, his anger subsiding minimally, “Sorry. Continue.” 

“We were arguing about his problem, how I thought he should stop before things got worse. Blaise didn’t agree. He went on endlessly about how he could handle himself, that he knew he wouldn’t go too far. Of course, he was wrong. He reached his breaking point; just…slapped me. We were both shocked. I pushed him away for a solid week, ignoring and avoiding him like the plague. By that point, I had already accepted the fact that I would never go back to him, that he must not have been my soulmate because would he act like that if he were? That was until he apologized, made a big show about it and everything. I, being the lovesick puppy I am, forgave him and we went back to the way things were before. But that was a mistake. Even though things are long over, I regret it to this day.” 

Draco paused, looking up to find Harry staring angrily at the wall. Feeling the blonde’s stare, he looked over, his expression turning sheepish. Before he could apologize again, Draco picked up the small cat, moving it to the foot of the bed, despite its meows of protest. Draco moved closer to Harry, allowing the larger to wrap his arms around the pale boy’s frame. Draco sighed in contentment, before continuing. 

“He got more abusive as days went by,” Harry’s hold tightened as Draco’s breath hitched. Harry’s very presence made this ten times easier to talk about. Draco’s eyes welled up with tears, but he didn’t hold them back. “Calling me a slut and a whore daily, accusing me of cheating on him behind his back, even though I was almost always with him. Why I stayed with him I’ll never know; I guess I was afraid of what would happen if I tried to leave… Pansy told me countless times that the relationship was toxic, but I didn’t listen. I was fully convinced that things would work out for us in the end. It didn’t.” 

Draco’s voice cracked, a few tears managing to escape his eyes. Harry responded quickly, adjusting so that the blonde could lay on his chest. “One day, Blaise asked to see the name, something we had agreed to keep a secret in the very beginning until we felt we were ready. I h-had always done a g-good job of hiding it, c-covering it up with various kinds of makeup or whatever I could find. O-Of course…I-I showed him.”  

Draco was close to sobbing now, clutching the soft fabric of Harry’s shirt in his fist, his tears slowly drenching it, “H-He got angry, p-probably the w-worst I’d ever seen him. I t-tried to s-stop him from leaving, b-begged him, s-saying we could m-make it work. H-He th-threw me o-out of the w-way, into the w-wall. I f-fractured one of m-my ribs f-from it, th-though it w-wasn’t anything I-I wasn’t already u-used to.” 

Harry let a few of tears of his own slip out. Draco doesn’t deserve this trauma. He wished he could take the pain away; whatever it was that the blonde was feeling, he would switch places with him in a heartbeat. “I r-remember screaming my l-lungs out, c-crying there f-for what felt l-like hours. P-Pansy was the o-one to f-find me; s-stayed with me until I c-calmed down. The p-police and a-ambulance arrived eventually, and I was r-rushed to the hospital, j-just so they c-could make s-sure I was f-fine.” 

“Draco–“ 

“The m-moral of the story being that I’m a-afraid; afraid to lose whatever i-it is that we’ve established between us. A-Afraid to hurt you because of my own stupid p-problems. Afraid to lose you.” Draco whispered this last part, almost too quiet for Harry to hear. The tan boy kissed the top of Draco’s blonde covered head, leaning his cheek against it. “I-I’m sorry I avoided you. I-It was stupid of me and I’d go back and undo it if I could.” 

“Draco. I get it. With all this going on in your head, it’s a wonder how you’ve managed on your own for this long.” Harry murmured into the blonde hair, “I know I couldn’t.” 

Draco chuckled lightly, sniffling, “I hate how understanding you are. It makes me feel bad.” 

“Would you rather I wasn’t?” The corner Harry’s lips quirked up slightly into a small smile. Draco turned around and looked up at him, scoffing, 

“God, no. That would be much worse.” 

Harry leaned down and kissed Draco’s forehead softly, “Then it’s settled.” 

Draco’s eyes flicked down to Harry’s lips then back up to his green eyes framed by his glasses, almost begging him to do it. Without further hesitation, Draco kissed Harry’s soft lips, locking his hands behind Harry’s neck. Harry responded immediately, pulling on the blonde’s small waist. Draco pressed harder, willing the kiss to move faster, Harry’s head bumping softly against the wooden headboard. Draco tangled his fingers in the soft, curly locks, a smile playing on his lips. The kiss slowed to a stop, departing with a last peck on the lips. Harry smiled at him fondly, making Draco blush and cower into the brunet’s embrace. 

“You wanna head to school?” Harry asked softly, his voice low in his throat, “You’ve already missed a few days.” 

Draco whined quietly, slightly muffled by Harry’s chest. “Do I have to?” 

Harry kissed the top of his head, running a free hand soothingly through the blonde hair, “Yes. Now let’s go.” 

Draco huffed and reluctantly got up from Harry’s lap, gathering his school supplies together, taking his glasses off and shoving them into his bag. Luckily, he was already dressed, saving him from the embarrassment of changing with Harry around. Harry watched him from the bed, enjoying the cute annoyed expression on his face a little too much. Draco passed by him, grabbing his hand blindly on the way out of his room. Harry laughed, letting the blonde drag him down the stairs and outside to his car. 

Draco sulked the whole five-minute-long drive to school for more than the obvious. He was vaguely aware of his puffy red eyes and cheeks, fairly vibrant in his reflection in the window he stared out. Plus, he was already in a bad mood from the conversation he had with Harry. He was not at all prepared for the blatant judging by his peers; not only was he now known for dating Harry Potter, but also the _boyfriend._  

He flickered his eyes over at Harry and all of his negative thoughts dissipated. _What the fuck am I thinking?_ Draco thought, knitting his eyebrows together. He finally had the boy of his dreams, and this was how he was acting? Said boy caught his stare, smiling at the blonde before returning his eyes to the road. 

"What are you thinking about?"

Draco smiled, shaking his head and taking Harry's right hand in his, "Just... nothing." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra long chapter to make up for the awful chapter before this one :)  
> next chapter will be up as soon as possible! as always, thank you for reading!


	5. idontwannabeyouanymore & ivory black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is sort of a filler chapter)  
> please read the a/n at the end! sorry for the wait :(  
> my angst always turns fluffy oops  
> \---  
> playlist:
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves & Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> Heavy - POWERS & Kiss - Pale Waves

_♫ PLAYLIST:[BILLIE EILISH - IDONTWANNABEYOUANYMORE](https://open.spotify.com/track/41zXlQxzTi6cGAjpOXyLYH?si=z3gBO8mZTyqaHGxWjlQ0Ow) & [OLIVER RIOT - IVORY BLACK](https://open.spotify.com/track/6vSIJHh8CRxpjWRvnzspZg?si=sDNFf5pMR_uIDXQFSvmm4Q)  
_

* * *

Do you ever have those days where you want to do absolutely nothing but lay in bed all day, avoiding any source of contact with anyone? Where you’re stuck with your thoughts, constantly feeling degraded by your own mind? Today was one of those days.

Draco buried his head deeper into his pillow, wrapping his large comforter tighter around his body. One of his kittens, Tiberius, hopped up onto the bed, his small paws quietly pattering across the soft sheets. He paused in front of Draco’s face, mewling and pawing at the blonde’s nose. Draco allowed himself a small smile, ruffling the thick white fur on its back; his cats always knew when he was feeling sad. He sighed, content leaving his body just as quick as it came.

He hated these days.

Draco wished he could just _stop._   Stop being a depressed nobody who can’t do anything but wallow in self-loathing and bother people with his own problems. He wanted to be able to go out with his boyfriend and not be afraid of the judgement or anxiety that he got from the looks he received from other people. He wanted to be _normal._

 _Harry would rather have someone normal._ A voice supplied tauntingly, Draco could almost see the imaginary smirk it would have.

“Stop it,” He whispered, hugging the cat closer to his chest, “He likes me enough to stick around after everything…” The blonde trailed off, refusing to speak the words himself.

 _Hey, now, I’m just trying to help._ it said in mock-niceness. _The sooner you realize how much of a burden you are, the happier Harry and your friends will be._

“Just leave me alone already,” Draco snapped, “What good will you get out of this?”

The voice didn’t respond. Draco sighed, in relief and exhaustion, willing the time to go faster. He turned his head towards his nightstand, checking the time on his small analog clock.

 _1:47 pm._ Draco let out a short whine, growing impatient. Harry had promised him he’d stop by once school let out and the blonde didn’t know if he could wait any longer; the boy was probably the only one to make him feel okay, even if it’s for a mere few hours. Their relationship was growing stronger by the day, the past two weeks spent together full of just them. The blonde was beginning to get comfortable with the idea of having Harry around, after spending almost two years of aimlessly pining after him. Until his depression decided to ruin his happy streak.

At the same time, Draco couldn’t help but wonder what Harry saw in him; he could have almost anyone else, so why him? His personality consists of sarcasm and sardonic humor, used as a façade to better hide his true screwed up self that no one bothered to help him fix. He had a below-average build, no outstanding or attractive features to be seen. So why?

An idea struck him, Draco’s heart swelling at the very thought. _Could he be…?_ He shook it off, not wanting to get his hopes up. After all, they’ve only been dating nearly a month. Draco scratched subconsciously at the black ink on his left forearm, closing his eyes and letting himself fall into a much-needed sleep.

~☆~

Harry opened Draco’s front door, not bothering to knock as the blonde constantly reminded him it was always unlocked for his mother when she got home. The house was silent, but for the soft mews of the kitten who greeted him with a tail curled around his leg, remembering her name as Lily. Harry bent down to stroke her back, the cat purring loudly in response. He smiled, turning away and taking the familiar stairs two at a time, stopping at Draco’s open door. He knocked lightly, making his presence known before walking in. The blonde was wrapped in his bed covers, disheveled hair splayed against his pillow. His male cat, Tiberius, lay curled above his head, blue eyes staring at him unblinkingly. Harry chuckled softly, crossing the room, sitting on Draco’s bed cross-legged and facing the sleeping boy. He reached over, brushing some loose hairs away from his forehead.

“Babe,” Harry said, giving the latter’s shoulder a shake. The blonde shifted but remained asleep. Harry rolled his eyes playfully, a smile splitting across his face. “Draco!” His eyes opened, squinting at the curly-haired boy sat in front of him in sleepy disbelief. Draco breathed out a laugh, before yawning openly. He was dressed in his usual letterman jacket, for what he could only guess as football; the one Draco had always admired from afar. His glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose, glinting playfully at him.

“Hello, Sleeping Beauty,” Harry said, his bright smile making Draco’s cheeks turn rosy. Draco pulled Harry down by the arm, forcing him to lay next to him. Tiberius startled at the noise, hopping off the bed and leaving the room. The blonde positioned himself on Harry’s chest, grabbing the latter’s hand in his between the two. “How are you now? Feeling okay?”

“Better now that you’re here,” Draco answered, snuggling in closer. “What about you? Anything good happen?”

“Yeah, right. Because good things always happen at _school._ ” Harry scoffed, leaning his head onto the blonde’s. “Well for one, Ron’s slowly beginning to talk to me again, though he’s pretty busy with his girlfriend, Lavender Brown.”

“Yikes, her?” Draco scrunched his nose in disgust, “No offense, but that is one hell of a slut.”

Harry chuckled, the sound vibrating in his chest against Draco’s ear. “Agreed. Ron could definitely do better. On a negative note, my ‘friends’ are acting the same. As if I didn’t just _announce_ that I was dating you. They even started to try and get my opinions on various girls at school.” Draco scoffed. As gay as he is, he couldn’t believe how terrible most guys are.

“Anyways, enough about me. Come on. I want to take you somewhere.”

Draco huffed, though not completely opposed to the idea, "I think staying in the warm house cuddling for the rest of the day sounds more appealing right now."

"Come on, Dray, you've been cooped up in the house all day." Harry pleaded sweetly, "Please? For me?"

Draco sat up, smacking Harry lightly on the chest, "You know I can't say no to you."

"Yes!" Harry exclaimed, scrambling off the bed. Draco smiled fondly at his excitement. "Let's go."

"Wait, right now? In my pajamas?" Draco asked, appalled, gesturing at his blue and black plaid pajama pants and plain black shirt. Plus, his hair was a mess and he was sure he looked utterly distraught.

"Sure, why not?" Harry said, shrugging. "It's a bit of a private place, not many know about it. And you always look good to me." His cheeky smile making Draco’s heart flutter. He looked away, his face making tomatoes pale in comparison.

“Shut up.”

Draco sighed reluctantly, finally getting out of bed for what was probably the first time that day. He straightened out his clothes and ran a hand through his messy blonde hair and slipped on the nearest pair of shoes, which happened to be his black converse. He grabbed Harry’s hand in his, offering him a small smile and letting the tan-skinned boy lead him out of the house.

Once seated in Harry’s car, they drove off to the surprise place. Draco could feel his own share of excitement bubbling up, glad to be feeling something other than the sadness stuck in the pit of his stomach.

"Have you eaten?"

Draco hesitated, positive he hadn't done so much as to leave his bed, let alone for food. He settled for a shrug, hoping he would get the point. His stomach groaned weakly in protest, but he ignored it. Harry's chest panged once in concern but didn't push too much.

"Good thing I came prepared." Harry stated, focusing his gaze back on the road. Draco felt disappointed in himself for burdening even his _boyfriend._ He didn't want people to think he needed someone to look after him at all times, just to make sure he would live to see another day.

The remainder of the drive continued in silence, Harry continuously flickering his eyes between the boy in the passenger seat and the road; he just wanted to know what was going on in his mind. He had grown accustomed to reading people, learning from a young age that it was what was on the inside that mattered. Something about Draco made him the most difficult to crack.

Suddenly, Harry turned down a dirt road, making Draco’s nerves bubble up in his chest.

“Where are you taking me?” Draco asked, trying his best to mask his anxiety in exchange for pure curiosity. Harry smiled nonchalantly, as if he expected that response.

“Relax, it’s nothing bad. I promise.” He replied, easing the now tense atmosphere, which was more likely just tense to Draco. He exhaled slowly, leaning his head on the car window, feeling stupid for not trusting Harry.

The car soon slowed to a stop at a forest, though it was nowhere near as menacing as one would think. Draco got out of the car, looking around in wonder. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, splattering in odd patterns on the brush-covered ground. The trees stood proudly in their glory, almost as if it were inviting Draco to walk between them. Harry joined him at his side, a cooler strapped over his shoulder.

“It gets better.” Harry smiled widely, eyelids squinting into half-crescent moons in the bright light. He began walking down the nature-made trail, letting his feet take him where they need to go, having already memorized the exact location. They arrived at a sort of cliff, the calm sound of rushing water greeting their ears. Draco let go of Harry’s hand, walking cautiously towards the edge. It was closer to the ground than he expected, though still quite high. A small waterfall caught his eye, glinting in the hot sun. Draco gasped quietly at its beauty, unable to look away. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Draco jumped slightly in surprise, nearly forgetting he was there. He turned to look at the boy, finding him watching him from a few feet away. His cheeks brightened, and he smiled. “Amazing.”

Harry undid the latch on the cooler, pulling out a soft-looking blanket and laying it out a few feet away from the cliff, just enough so they could still admire the view. He placed the cooler on top, motioning for Draco to sit, doing the same. Harry took out a few sandwiches, along with various bags of chips and drinks.

“How’d you find this place?” Draco asked, fiddling with the plastic wrap on a random sandwich he had grabbed.

“Don’t remember exactly,” Harry replied, taking a bite of his food before finishing. “I suppose I was probably angry and went for a drive, found the dirt road and thought, ‘Yes, it’s definitely a good idea to drive down this unpaved road by myself in the middle of nowhere.’” Draco giggled softly, leaning his head onto Harry’s shoulder as he talked.

“Obviously, I continued anyways and found this forest, kept walking and stumbled upon this,” He gestured to the open area, “Been coming here ever since.”

“Have you ever…brought anyone else here?” Draco couldn’t help but ask, jealousy spiking sharply in his chest.

“No,” Harry smiled bashfully, his cheeks a pink hue. “No one. It was always you.”

Draco made a strangled noise in his throat that he supposed could have been a flustered laugh, nudging his shoulder with the other’s, “Shut up.”

“You know I never thought I’d actually get here,” Harry began, looking off into the water below. “I’ve been waiting for this for years and I still don’t know how lucky I must be to have you.”

Draco blushed harder, turning his head and kissing Harry’s clothed shoulder, “Me too. I mean imagine having the biggest crush on the most popular guy in school for _two years_ , not once thinking that I would be here one day.”

Draco tilted his head up, seeing Harry already staring at him. He smiled before leaning down and kissing the blonde’s soft lips. The kids lasted only a few seconds, but it felt just as nice. Draco returned to his position on Harry’s shoulder, moving ever closer.

Harry broke the short silence when he noticed something, “Why aren’t you eating?”

“I…’m not that hungry,” Draco settled for, hoping that Harry would drop it, though knowing him, he wouldn’t.

“Dray, you need to eat,” Harry replied sternly, concern dripping from his typically honey-like voice, though he couldn’t hold the act for long. “I’ll force-feed you if I have to.”

Draco held back a laugh and opened his mouth to protest, receiving a salt and vinegar chip instead. Harry smirked triumphantly, popping one of his own into his mouth.

Draco closed his mouth in a mock-pout, chewing indignantly, “You’re lucky these are my favorite.”

After multiple encouragements from Harry, Draco managed an entire sandwich and a half bag of chips. His stomach gurgled, but he held it back, not for his own benefit, but to make Harry proud.

Draco shivered, goosebumps spreading down his arms and legs, just now realizing he was only wearing his black t-shirt. Harry immediately shouldered off his letterman jacket, holding it out for Draco to take.

“Here,” He said insistently. Draco shook his head. “Take it. Please.”

“But what about you-“

“You need it more.” Harry cut him off. A teasing smile made its way onto his face. “Don’t make me force this on you too.”

Draco rolled his eyes but smiled anyway, snatching the jacket from Harry’s hands. “Fine.”

He slipped it on, feeling instantly warmer. The jacket was obviously too big, the sleeves coming over his fingertips by about an inch.

“See, you look adorable.” Harry said fondly, wrapping an arm around Draco’s shoulder. The blonde blushed, turning his face into Harry’s chest.

The two laid back, Draco’s head in the crook of Harry’s neck, watching the sunset fade from yellow and orange to pink and purple.

All conversation died off and they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Draco spoke up, aching to get it out of his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about that morning, the burning question. “Harry, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“This might be the depression talking but,” Draco mumbled humorlessly, missing the frown forming on the other boy’s face. “What is it that you…see in me?”

“What do I see in you?” Harry laughed breathily, making the blonde slightly anxious, “Well, I could go on for hours.”

Draco startled, turning his head sharply to look at Harry, not quite sure what he was expecting as an answer. After all, he had to be dating him for a reason. “What?”

Harry moved to sit up, Draco doing the same. “Despite what you may think, you’re very beautiful. Your eyes are probably my favorite thing about you. They’re always full of wonder at the littlest things and I love that.” Draco blinked impulsively, fighting off the blush threatening to burn his cheeks.

"Your nose is adorable, and I love your lips.” Harry pecked them quickly, earning a small smile from Draco. “Your smile is so beautiful, and I wish I could see it more.” The blonde chewed on his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling largely. Harry reached over and ran his fingers through Draco's blonde fringe, moving it from his forehead. "Even your hair is amazing.”

“And as much as you think your personality is shitty—don’t think I don’t know—I think it’s fantastic. You try to hide behind this sarcastic persona, but I _know_ you are a good person underneath. You're one of the most selfless people I know. I don't know how else to explain it, I just- I think-"

"You just what?" Draco spoke slowly and calmly. Harry stared directly into Draco's gray-blue eyes with a ferocity that chilled his very core.

"I love you."

Draco could have sworn time had frozen in that very moment. The words spoken from the one person he wished to hear it most. But the real question was, _did he_ love _Harry?_

Time regained, and Draco remained quiet. Harry began to grow worried, opening his mouth to speak but was cut off by a pair of lips on his. His eyes fluttered shut, kissing back immediately. Draco smiled against his lips, tangling his fingers in the curly-hair on the boy’s head. Harry moved his hands to cup Draco’s face, pulling him closer. The kiss was like none they had shared; pure passion replaced the simplicity of the others, with a side of…love?

Harry fell backwards onto the blanket, bringing Draco down with him. The kiss broke and they laughed out of what must have been euphoria. Draco moved to straddle Harry’s hips, launching back into the heated kiss. Large hands gripped his small waist, rubbing up and down his sides in silent encouragement. Their tongues danced, massaging against each other in a battle for dominance. Harry easily one, licking at the roof of the blonde’s mouth. Hot breath mingled with the cool air around them, skin burning with intensity.

Draco pulled away breathlessly, lips red and puffy. He leaned his forehead against the latter’s, slowly opening his eyes to look at the boy underneath him. Green met gray-blue and Draco knew his heart was set. On what he wasn’t sure, he just knew he was finally _happy._

“I think,” Draco started, letting his breath catch up to him. He took a deep breath in before letting it out.

“I think I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all! thank you for 2.1k! (now almost 2.5k wow ily all) i appreciate every single one of you reading this :) second, i wanted to touch base on why I've been writing (a little too much) about draco and his depression, etc. if you have/had depression before, or even anxiety, you would know that it can come and go, or always be there (perhaps just suppressed). in draco's case (or many, including myself) it is typically both. i just hope it wasn't boring/childish/excessive sjsjkss. before this gets too long, know that i am here for you, as are others and know you aren't alone! thank you for reading! :)
> 
> (p.s. should i add smut?? it might not be good but i'm thinking about writing it anyways haha. let me know in the comments!)


	6. honey whiskey & stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy august everyone :) new chapter is finally up, sorry for the long wait!  
> a/n at the end!
> 
> \---  
> playlist:
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves & Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> Heavy - POWERS & Kiss - Pale Waves

_♫ PLAYLIST:[NOTHING BUT THIEVES - HONEY WHISKEY](https://open.spotify.com/track/730AR8R0KvjxVeHmrYy4OR?si=2gZgeDkHTrOuIqrQOxGi0g) & [POST MALONE - STAY](https://open.spotify.com/track/4H7WNRErSbONkM06blBoGc?si=Ux7abQLVSly1S6icaAPyGA)_

* * *

 A week went by, and Draco was the happiest he had ever been. All because of Harry. He was finally becoming someone Draco could actually be his true self around, without worrying about judgement from the latter.  

After their second date, the simplest things were followed by an “I love you.” May it be in between classes, or their goodbyes after school, they never failed to remind each other of their love. Maybe it was a little excessive, but they just wanted to relinquish in their relationship for as long as possible. Pansy mock-gagged over the excessiveness of it all, while Hermione would coo over the romance, reminiscing over the times when she and her girlfriend acted the exact same. But they didn’t care, as long as both boys were happy. 

Cool, autumn October days faded into an even colder November, leaves slowly beginning to flee their trees in preparation for winter. The couple walked the few-minute-long walk to school from Draco’s house, hand in hand to retain whatever warmth that the chilly air hadn’t yet consumed. It soon became the norm for Harry to spend the night at Draco’s, as his parents were rarely home. Plus, his fathers have always been overprotective of him. 

They soon arrived at the school, hands remaining linked as they walked through the front doors. Stares were still received on the daily, though no one cared as much as before, especially the boys themselves. 

Harry walked Draco to his first period class, pecking him on the lips. “I’ll see you in pre-calc, ‘kay?” 

“Of course.” Draco smiled, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek. “Love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

~☆~ 

The day went by quickly and the boys were now intertwined on Draco’s bed. Harry checked the time on his phone and groaned. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Draco asked with concern, sitting up and turning to face the tan boy. Harry smiled up at him, making his face heat up. 

“The guys invited me out to the party tonight,” Harry muttered in annoyance, “And I agreed.” 

“Oh.” Draco said, his mind already running wild. He was hoping the two could just cuddle and lay about, like they usually do. He swallowed the words he wished to say, not wanting to sound controlling. “Okay.” 

“Is…that okay?” Harry asked hesitantly. He was silently begging the blonde to ask him to stay home, though he knew Draco was too nice for that. _Why did I agree to this?_  

“Yeah. Of course.” Draco faked a smile, grabbing Harry’s hand in his. “Go hang with your friends.” 

Harry smiled back, giving Draco’s hand a squeeze before getting up to change. He grabbed a button-up shirt, smirking at the stare he felt burning holes in his back. He snuck a peek behind him, finding the blonde staring unashamedly at his naked torso. Harry laughed, making Draco blush at being caught. He slipped on the shirt, buttoning it and putting on some sneakers. Draco watched his every move, seemingly contemplating something.  

Finished, Harry grabbed his car keys, turning back to kiss Draco goodbye. He smiled brightly with the promise that he would come home sooner than later. He walked towards the door, but stopped at the sound of Draco’s voice.  

“Wait.” He said, standing from the bed and stalking up to the latter with purpose. Draco reached a hand to cup the back of his head, crushing their mouths together in a hard kiss. Harry moaned in surprise, wrapping his arms around the blonde’s back and pulling him closer. Draco nibbled at Harry’s bottom lip, taking it between his teeth before reattaching their lips. Draco slipped his tongue past the latter’s lips, quick to explore his warm mouth. Harry growled lowly, thoroughly enjoying his treatment. The blonde pulled away abruptly, a string of spit hanging between their mouths in aftermath. Harry’s eyes opened to see his boyfriend still standing there, a cheeky smile on his swollen, red lips. Draco removed his hands, stepping away from Harry to let him leave. “Bye. I love you.” 

“You can’t just–“ Harry stopped, scoffing in disbelief. He shook his head regardless, smiling and kissing Draco one last time on the lips. “I love you too.” 

The blonde smiled wider, returning to his bed nonchalantly. Harry shook his head again, turning to leave the room, adjusting his suddenly tighter boxers in discomfort, ignoring Draco’s smirk. 

~☆~ 

Harry strayed by the living room couch, back against the wall and cup of generic alcohol in hand, trying his best to keep himself away from the loud music and dancing. He made sure not to drink too much, wanting to go home sober to Draco. He still couldn’t figure out why he agreed to this; his so-called friends continuously pester him about it, still claiming that Harry deserved a night out to just hang with the guys and let loose a little. Despite wanting to hang with only one certain boy, he agreed, though mentally deciding this would probably be his last party. 

Before dating Draco, his life was pretty boring. He was stuck in this repeated cycle, involving the same people who aimlessly follow him around. It never bothered him before, mainly because he didn’t have a reason for it to. It had become his life, to be popular, athletic, smart, the works. He couldn’t remember how he got here; perhaps it was when he first joined the soccer team in fifth grade. The coach thought he was amazing, one of the best he had seen in years. His teammates loved him, always complimenting something he did on the field and just hanging around him. At the time he didn’t care whether they were being fake or not, using him for his newfound popularity; he was just glad to be accepted. Now, he didn’t know why he had stuck with these people all these years. He was never truly happy, and he knew, deep down, that they didn’t _really_ like him for him. 

But one day, it was as if he woke up. _What am I doing?_ He thought. Even though he still had much of his life to live, high school was one of the biggest parts of it. It was what decided your future, where you would go, what you’ll do. So why was this how he was spending it? He needed a change, something he’d been wanting for years, but always pushed it back in fear of rejection and judgement. It was as if he subconsciously decided it was the time to do what he truly wanted. After all, the boy didn’t seem to care for him much, though he would catch his glances from time to time, the few moments that gave him hope. He remembered the jealousy that burned in his chest, like an uncontrollable fire that flared up whenever he saw Draco with the dark-skinned boy, wishing that he could be the one in his place.   

A year or so later, Draco and Blaise had broken up, for reasons he didn’t know at the time, and Harry allowed himself a few hours of happiness, as hope was finally restored. It dimmed when he didn’t see the blonde for weeks, perhaps an entire month and a half. Thinking back on it, the boy was broken in more places than just his heart. He silently vowed that if he were to ever meet the guy who hurt his boy…well he didn’t know what he would do.  

Time went on and things were slowly getting back to normal. Draco returned to school, though he looked much sadder than when Harry last saw him. He ached to just give him a hug, hold his hand in his own and tell him _everything_ _will be okay._ But instead, he silently watched from afar, making sure that the blonde was okay at all times.  

He didn’t know when exactly the whole crush thing started. He did remember, though, the day he first laid eyes on the blonde boy.  

Harry sat in the library in freshman year, a place he had begun to visit months before, somewhere he could go to get away from everything. He always liked reading since he was a child; the idea of being able to visit an imaginary place in his mind was fascinating to him. His parents made it all possible, raising him to the best of their ability after his biological mother left him on their doorstep. 

Harry walked down the aisles, searching aimlessly for a book to read to pass the time. He ran his fingers along the bindings, stopping on one that piqued his interest. Satisfied, he returned to his table at the back of the library, hidden by rows of lined up bookshelves. Harry sat down and sighed in content, opening the front cover of the book to read.  

An hour went by in no time, the bell due to ring in roughly thirty minutes. He closed the book as he finished, standing to but it back. Finding the correct aisle, he reached up to put it in place, but was interrupted when something, or someone, walked into him. The boy looked up from whatever it was he had in his hand in surprise, eyes wide. Harry stared, the realization that a cute boy just walked into him. A _really_ cute boy. 

“Ah, I’m sorry!” He said, stepping back a little bit so he wasn’t too close. “I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“It’s fine, really. Can I help you with anything?” Harry asked, figuring he might as well be polite. The blonde furrowed his eyebrows cutely, making Harry’s heart shudder in his chest.  

“Uh, yeah, actually.” He replied, looking at his phone in his hand. “I’m looking for ‘Nightmares and Dreamscapes’ by Stephen King. I can’t find it anywhere.” 

Harry smiled, looking up at the shelves, searching until he found the right one. He reached up and plucked it from the shelf, handing it to the shorter blonde. Future him smiled fondly at how short Draco used to be. 

“Here. Great choice.” Harry said, his smile so wide he swore his face might split in half. “I’m Harry, by the way.” 

“Draco.” 

Another year went by after the big break up, dating back to just over a month ago, when he had overheard Pansy and Hermione, who he had learned the names of through low-key ‘stalking’ the blonde for two years, talking about said boy’s next arranged date. They sat only a table away, just far away enough for him to hear. 

“Have any ideas yet?” 

“Not one. You’re supposed to be the smart one.” 

The bushy-haired girl, smacked the other lightly on the arm, a playful smile on her lips. The dark-haired girl gasped, rubbing the spot in exaggerated pain.  

“That doesn’t mean I have to do all the work. Besides, this was your idea from the beginning. I went along with it because Draco needs to get out more, and because you’re my girlfriend.” 

Harry had found out that the girls would find dates for Draco, in hopes for him to get over someone, who he now assumed must have been this ‘Blaise.’ He mustered up whatever courage he could find, taking matters into his own hands and confronting them. The girls stared at him oddly as he walked over, hovering awkwardly by the side of their table. 

“Hi. Pansy and Hermione, right?” 

They shared a look, one Harry couldn’t define. Pansy was the one to speak, holding back whatever snarky remark that already formed on her tongue. “Uh…yeah. Did you need something?” 

“I have a favor to ask of you. May I sit?” Harry asked, nerves showing slightly. Hermione smiled politely, despite obvious confusion, gesturing to the seat across from them. 

“Go ahead.” 

Harry sat down, running a hand through his curls before speaking, “I may or may not have overheard you talking,” Pansy rolled her eyes, “and I was hoping…you could set me up with Draco?” 

The girls’ eyes widened simultaneously, looking at each other that said, _are you thinking what I’m thinking?_  

Hermione cleared her throat, the first to regain her composure. “You? Want to go on a date…with Draco?” 

Harry’s eyes flickered between the pair, more confused than nervous at this point, “Um…yes?” 

“Listen, if this is some joke you’re pulling–“ Pansy started, ready to shut him down. Draco already got enough shit for just living, he didn’t need another person to break his heart. Especially not _him_ of all people. 

“No!” Harry exclaimed, loud enough for those around him to stare or shush him. He apologized awkwardly with a wave of his hand before bringing his attention back to the smirking girls. “Not at all. I-“ 

“…you what?” 

“I like him.” Harry finished, his face going as red as his tan skin would. “A lot.”  

Pansy looked at him skeptically, searching his face for any sign of lying. She sighed, coming to the conclusion that he must be okay if Draco likes him. 

“Fine. Just don’t mess it up.” 

Harry smiled brightly, his heart thudding against his rib cage, “I won’t. I promise.” 

Harry’s mind faded back into the present, momentarily forgetting he was even there. He took a swig from the plastic cup, surveying the room for anyone he could at least talk to out of boredom. He locked eyes with a familiar ginger at the other side of the room, who motioned him over with an obnoxious wave of his hand. Harry rolled his eyes before nodding his affirmation, placing his near empty cup on the table next to him.  

He mumbled his apologies as he pushed through the crowd, though it wasn’t as if they could hear him over the music anyway. Harry pauses in front of Ron, waiting for him to finish downing his cup. He tilted it back, swaying on his feet with barely any balance left. Harry sighed, knowing he was clearly drunk and would most likely need a ride home. Luckily, he had only had maybe one drink the entire night, as he wanted to make sure he could drive safely back home to his boyfriend. 

“I needa talk to ya, Har,” Ron exclaimed over the music, his words slurring together slightly. Harry quirked an eyebrow skeptically, but nodded nonetheless. 

“Alright. Let’s head somewhere quieter.” Harry yelled back, grabbing the ginger by the arm and dragging him towards the long hallway by the back door. The bass resonated in the walls, though it was far quieter than before. Harry let Ron go, though quickly regaining his hold when he stumbled. “You good?” 

Ron stared at him, as if seeing him for the first time, his eyes slightly hazy, “Yeah…” 

“What’d you need to talk about?” Harry asked, itching to finally ditch the party and head home. His patience was slowly wearing thinner by the second, as Ron had merely blinked at him in drunken confusion. The ginger’s eyes widened in acknowledgment, suddenly remembering the importance of what he had to say. Ron stepped closer to Harry, which seemed far closer to the sober one of the both of them. Harry squirmed uncomfortably under his stare, looking to the left and right in attempt to find a way out of this. “Uh, Ron–?” 

He was cut off by a pair of wet lips on his, the taste of alcohol not at all pleasant. Harry’s eyes bulged out of his head, frozen in shock. Harry blinked, realization hitting him as he pushed at Ron’s chest, but this only made the latter press harder. He grunted in distress, mustering any strength he could find left in his body to get the boy _off._  

A gasp was heard to his left, a watery voice piercing Harry’s heart in familiarity, “Harry?” 

~☆~ 

 **_a few minutes prior._ **  

 

Draco paced his room, debating on whether or not he should go find Harry. He didn’t want to be the jealous and paranoid boyfriend who took the fun out of everything, but he couldn’t help it. A bad feeling pooled in his chest and he _had_ to go. Something was wrong and he knew it. He snatched up a random jacket from the end of his bed, which happened to be one of Harry’s hoodies he’d brought over. 

He ran down the stairs, checking his texts as he went to the garage and got in his car. Harry had texted him the address, just in case things went wrong. Draco had a feeling he was right; he didn't like it one bit. 

He drove the few minutes it took to get to the party, parking and heading inside. The living room was crowded, chock full of assorted girls and boys dancing to generic electronic music in one large group. A few couples were spotted making out in random places and Draco grimaced. It didn’t take him long to spot Harry across the room, who seemed to be leaving with the boy he called Ron. 

The blonde pushed through the crowd, not stopping to apologize to anyone. After all, what he was doing was actually important.  

He reached the hallway he saw the boys turn into, finding the ginger pressing his boyfriend against the wall, lips attached in a wet kiss. Draco gasped involuntarily, making them break away. Harry stared at him, startled to find him there. 

“Harry?” 

Draco felt his eyes burn with tears as he ran from the hall blindly, hoping desperately to find his way out. 

Harry turned back towards the ginger, pushing him as hard as he could into the wall opposite, Ron seemingly sobering up on impact. “You fucking asshole! Why the fuck would you do that?!” 

Ron opened his mouth to speak, but Harry had already run off. He ran a hand through his ginger hair with a sigh before going after them. 

~☆~ 

A faint bang followed by yelling was heard as Draco ran away, though he didn’t care to look back. The blood rushing in his ears, heart pounding against his chest was far too loud to hear anything else. He ran blindly, eventually finding the front of the house. He pushed through the crowd, head down to hide his face. They resumed their dancing behind him, completely oblivious to anything going on. Draco decided that’s what he hated most about these kinds of people; they simply don’t care. 

He reached the front door, opening it and retreating quickly down the steps. The door fell closed behind him, but was flung open by the one person he didn’t want to see right now. The boy froze a few feet away from him, preparing to defend himself. 

“Draco, let me explain-“ 

“Explain?” Draco asked indignantly, fighting through his tears. “What, that you were making out with your best friend?” 

“No!” Harry yelled, wanting to laugh at the situation he managed to get himself into, but he knew it would make things worse.  “How could you possibly think I would do that to you?” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Draco replied, sarcasm leaking through his voice. Harry could already tell what was coming. “Because I’m not good enough for you?” 

Harry breathed out a humorless laugh, removing his glasses to rub a hand down his face in exasperation. “Are you serious? Draco, what more can I do to show you how much I love you?” 

Draco furrowed his eyebrows, crossing his arms over his chest, feeling impossibly worse. “What? Why are you laughing?” 

Harry looked away from the blonde’s eyes, looking up at the bright moon illuminating them. “Because I’m a fucking idiot. Why did I come here? My friends could care less if I came or not. In fact, I haven’t seen any of them all night. Except…you know.” 

Draco stared at him as he spoke, fighting the urge to run over there and hug him on instinct. He opted for folding his arms tighter instead. 

Harry felt his chest tighten in panic, the realization that this was his only chance. “Draco, please. Just hear me out. If you don’t believe me after…then you can leave. I won’t stop you.” 

Draco soaked it all in, looking down at his black converse in consideration. Harry took notice of his own hoodie, oversized on the blonde’s small frame, the hem reaching his mid-thigh. He looked innocent, like a child being scolded for doing something wrong.  

The blonde looked up abruptly, wiping leftover tears from his cheeks harshly with the sleeve of the hoodie. He sniffled, nodding slowly. “I’ll listen.” 

Harry resisted the urge to sigh in relief, moving closer to Draco so he could hear him better. The words flew quickly from his mouth, making sure to get out everything he needed to say. Draco listened intently, watching the latter closely. As much as the blonde wanted to believe him, he couldn’t be sure. For all he knew he could be lying right to his face.  

Harry soon finished, his eyes growing watery as he ran a hand through his curls. “So?” 

Draco narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing the boy with his stare; he wasn’t acting guilty as one would in this situation, and Draco’s had lots of experience with that in his past. Harry fidgeted with his hands out of nervousness, not quite sure what to do with the rest of his body. He just wanted to hold the blonde and apologize as many times as his tongue would allow. Draco sighed, seemingly coming to a conclusion. 

“I…” Draco started, eyes wandering everywhere but Harry. They caught on the window, watching as someone quickly moved away when they saw Draco staring. He dismissed it though, brushing it off as a party-goer who was too nosy for their own good. “I want to believe you. I just– just give me some time, okay? To think things through.” 

Harry sighed in relief, letting his arms fall to his sides. He just barely stopped himself from hugging the blonde. He did, however, walk as close as Draco would allow. “That’s more than I could ask for.” 

Draco flinched at the alcohol on his breath, but said nothing. He figured Harry would understand. They stood quietly, less than a foot apart, for a few moments before Draco spoke again. “Well, I should get going…” 

“Right, yeah. Just…text me when you’re ready.” 

Draco reached a hand up and cupped Harry’s cheek, unable to help himself. Draco smiled sadly, though it trembled and fell, a few tears slipping down his face. Harry leaned into the touch, wanting nothing more than to grab it and hold it in his. “I love you, Draco. Please…don’t forget it.” 

He couldn’t bring himself to say those three words back. At least, not right now. Harry felt his heart crack in his chest, though he knew he deserved it. The blonde’s voice dropped to a whisper, drifting quietly in the dying wind. “Yeah.” 

He dropped his hand, backing away to distance himself slightly. Draco gave Harry a half-smile, earning a lopsided one in return. He departed with a halfhearted wave, walking down the street to find his parked car. Harry choked on a few tears, though he hadn’t realized he was crying. He didn’t deserve Draco; he was too kind to him. And as for Ron? That was the last he’d see of Harry for a long time. 

Harry’s sadness quickly grew into anger, kicking a nearby trash can, though he immediately regretted it as he yelped in pain. He took notice of a woman across the street, staring at him in concern and fright. Harry waved sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. She shook her head returning inside her house. 

Harry started walking away, but was stopped by a voice and the closing of a door. 

“Harry?” The familiar voice fueled Harry’s anger, as it was the one person who got him into this mess. “Can I…explain?” 

Harry whirled around quickly, pointing an accusing finger at his ex-best friend, “Why should I? You kissed me while you were drunk, knowing full well I have a boyfriend, the very boy I’ve liked for _years._ ” 

“Well, why do you think I kissed you, Harry?” Ron asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Because…because I like you. As more than a friend. And have for _years._ ” 

Harry retaliated, not quite seeing that coming. It seemed as if everything finally clicked into piece; the way the ginger had always acted towards him, the small things he did for him. It all made sense. Man, was he oblivious. “You…like me?” 

Ron scoffed, crossing his arms. “No, I fucking did that all for nothing. Yes, I like you.” 

“I…don’t know what to say.” Harry said, resignedly. He pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. “It doesn’t excuse the fact that you did what you did and made me hurt Draco.” 

“I know.” Ron muttered, looking down at his feet. He wasn’t sure what he expected to get out of it, despite the fact he didn’t quite know what he was doing, his mind hazy after one too many drinks. “I’m sorry.” 

“Just…please.” Harry started, slowly backing away. “Leave me alone from now on.” 

Not giving Ron the chance to respond, Harry turned down the street and left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! i was super busy these past few weeks with family and such. updates might start coming a bit slower so thank you for your patience with me.  
> also thank you for 3.3k :) i love you all


	7. waste & i miss the old u.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hate that im giving you such a short chapter after the hiatus but hopefully you still enjoy it :) im hoping to get back into writing as school starts to calm down for me!
> 
> \---  
> playlist:
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves & Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> Heavy - POWERS & Kiss - Pale Waves

_♫ PLAYLIST:[BROCKHAMPTON - WASTE](https://open.spotify.com/track/1cuYCAodLWgzhwE2KFZ8rC) & [BLACKBEAR - I MISS THE OLD U](https://open.spotify.com/track/1nMYtxDrONcoGnKRvxTwPv)_

* * *

 

Days upon days went by of the blonde without his new boyfriend. The plan was slowly coming into play, the one that had been in the works for months.  

 _Oh, this will be_ so  _much easier now._ He thought, lips curling up into a smirk. He cracked his knuckles, fingertips settling onto the keyboard and typing as fast as he could possible.  

“Aha!” He exclaimed as he managed to hack into their security cameras. He stood, grabbing his necessities with a smug smile. “Soon you will be mine again,” 

“Draco Malfoy.” 

~☆~

It was Saturday and Draco couldn’t be happier to finally have a break. School was getting more difficult as he spoke, not only with the classwork but with avoiding Harry. He didn’t realize how much the boy affected his life until he was out of it.  

Even though Harry hurt him, he couldn’t help but miss him. They were together every day, hardly separated but for classes they didn’t share, and the past ten days they’ve been apart. Yes, Draco was counting. 

It was getting harder for him to make his decision; he didn’t want to let another Blaise into his life and get hurt all over again, though this time would be obviously worse. At the same time, he knew Harry; he was definitely not the type to cheat, even if it were a mere drunken kiss at a high school party. But he also didn’t think Blaise was the type either. 

Draco sighed, closing his laptop and massaging his temples just as he heard the doorbell ring. He froze, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. He knew of only two people that could be, though one should be at work and the other he wasn’t talking to. 

Nonetheless, he hopped up from bed, creeping down the stairs. He jumped when the bell rang a few more times, walking faster down the remaining stairs. He peeked out the window by the front door, eyes going wide in shock.  _Am I…dreaming?_

Draco backed away slowly, bumping into the stair railing. He was wearing a mask, but the familiarity of just his stance was overwhelming. He contemplated running back up to his room, hoping that they didn’t see him. His mind raced as the person on the other side started knocking, confirming his worries. 

“Draco?” He yelled, pounding on the door, “I know you’re in there!” 

Draco took a deep breath, summoning any courage he had left and unlocked the door, swinging it open to find the one person he didn’t think he’d ever see again. 

“Wh-“ 

A cloth was shoved over his nose and mouth before he could speak a single word. He gasped in surprise, though he quickly realized was a bad idea as his vision slowly faded to black. 

~☆~ 

Draco groaned as he woke, his head throbbing in pain. He winced, moving his hand to massage it, only to find it tied down. His eyes shot open, falling shut again, hissing at the sudden bright light stinging them. He forced them open to find himself in his own living room. Surprisingly, nothing was out of place, aside from the fact that he was strapped to a chair in his own home with no one to be found. 

“Hello?” Draco yelled out cautiously, his voice echoing slightly off the walls. A creak sounded in the house and he tensed, body rigid with fear. Footsteps clicked on the wooden tile of the kitchen floor, getting louder as they neared. The door swung open, a man standing in its wake. He was cloaked head to toe, covering every inch of his skin except his eyes. They shocked him in familiarity, so intense it forced a gasp from Draco’s throat.  

“Blaise?!”  

The man, narrowed his eyes at him in confusion, lowering his hood and mask. “How’d you know it was me?” 

Draco stared at him, anger, sadness and confusion swirling together in his stomach in an angry dance.  _How can you forget the face of someone who broke you?_  

He looked different, hair shaved down to a stubble, tattoos lining his neck and face. He looked older, the kind of old where their eye bags and forehead wrinkles tell you they’ve seen things. The comeback on his tongue left him as Blaise moved closer.  

He ran a finger along Draco’s jawline, stopping at the chin and tilting it up to stare him in the eyes. “Still as pretty as I remember.” 

Draco jerked away from him, turning his head to the side out of reach. Blaise let his shock slip for a moment, his stony face molding back into place within seconds. He let his hand fall to his side, crouching in front of Draco. The blonde made eye contact with him once more, his eyes shooting daggers at the man in front of him. “Why are you here?” 

“To propose an offer.” Blaise smirked at him infuriatingly. 

The blonde frowned, twisting his wrists within the ropes; the more he tried to escape, the more it felt as if they were slowly tighter. “An offer? For what?” 

“Let’s just say,” He drawled, standing and walking back and forth once before continuing. “I want you to stay away from your friends, your boyfriend. Come with me instead.” 

“What. You’re blackmailing me?” Draco hissed in disbelief, keeping his voice down as if his neighbors could hear him. “And why should I listen to you?” 

“Because. If you don’t, I’ll...” Blaise leaned down and whispered the last part into the blonde’s ear. Draco’s jaw fell open as he paled.  

“Y-You wouldn’t.” Draco stuttered, his confidence from just minutes ago quickly depleting back into its cove.  _What sick fuck would keep it after this long?_ He looked up at the dark man in front of him, the look in his eyes giving him his answer.  _Him._  

“Wouldn’t I?” He taunted, folding his arms across his chest. “I will do whatever it takes to get you back. You have my word.” Anger overpowered Draco's fear, pulling harshly against its restraints. 

“What makes you think I’d want to?!” Draco cried, distress leaking from his voice. Blaise hid his offense well, but it didn’t stop it from churning in his stomach. “I’m finally  _happy_ , Blaise! Why can’t you just leave me alone? Haven’t you done enough?!” 

Draco choked on a sob, his shoulders shuddering violently. Blaise softened slightly, his old, childish love peeking through his stone-cold heart. Blaise clenched his fists at his sides, the crack sealing up as quick as it came;  _He’s supposed to be happy with me. I had him first._   

“You’ll regret this, Malfoy.” Blaise sneered, placing a small dagger on the coffee table beside the blonde. He couldn’t just  _leave_ Draco like that; the risk of losing everything he had worked for was too high. He snatched up his mask from the floor, turning towards the door. He looked back once to see the boy, head hung low as tears stained the legs of his jeans. The dark-haired man sighed, opening the door and leaving. As cold as he was, he couldn’t help but feel almost guilty.  

Back inside, Draco composed himself quickly, grasping the sides of the chairs, hopping closer to the table. He twisted his body around, hands fumbling for the knife. His fingers closed around the slim handle, turning it so the blade faced the ropes. The knife sawed through, falling to the floor with a soft  _thud_. Draco sighed in relief, rubbing his wrists in attempt to regain feeling. He stood slowly, walking up the stairs with shaking legs, gripping the railing in fear of falling. He flung the door to his room open, flopping onto his bed. No more tears came like he expected, wanted. Just the feeling of emptiness and fatigue consuming his being, his eyes shutting as he slowly fell asleep. 

~☆~ 

Harry paced the floor, moving so quickly he swore he would burn a hole right through the soft carpet. His parents, Sirius and Remus, sat on the love seat opposite him, watching him in concern. The boy had been doing this for the past twenty minutes, lost in his head over something he wouldn’t tell them.  

“Har, if you could just tell us what’s wrong, maybe we could help?” Remus suggested for what felt like the thousandth time. Sirius sank further into the couch with a sigh, pulling Remus closer to him.  

“That’s the thing. I don’t know what’s wrong!” Harry exclaimed, throwing his arms up in distress. He mumbled the last part, quieter. “I can just feel it.” 

A spark of hope lit in his chest, spreading through his ribcage, up to the very tip of his fingers.  _Could this mean...?_  He thought to himself, eyes widening slightly. 

Harry snapped out of his trance a few moments later to realize he had stopped walking, his dads staring at him in confusion. His cheeks heated as he sat down on the couch, letting his head fall into his hands. “I just...don’t know what to do. He could be in trouble for all I know, and I’m not there to help.” 

“Did you say ‘he’?” Sirius teased, a grin wide on his face. Harry lifted his head, narrowing his eyes at them quizzically, nodding slowly. 

“Yeah...have I not told you?” Harry asked, furrowing his eyebrows, racking his brain for any recollection. Come to think of it, he hadn’t even been home enough in the past month or so to have a conversation that didn’t include whether he had eaten or done his homework.  

Sirius shook his head no with a smug smirk on his face; it takes a lot to get anything out of Harry these days. The curly-haired boy blushed, fidgeting awkwardly. “Oh. Well, now you know I guess… Anyways, back to him. What should I do?” 

Remus flicked his eyes over to Sirius, before turning back to Harry, shrugging, smiling warmly, “I say go to him.”  

“But he’s mad at me.” Harry whined, frown deepening. 

“Do you have any better ideas?” 

“No, but-”  

“Then go.” 

Harry looked between the two of them, earning encouraging smiles. He nodded once, standing up and fleeing to the blonde’s house. 

~☆~

Draco woke to sharp knocking on his front door. He lifted his head in confusion, sleep and leftover tears sealing his eyes shut. He rubbed at them, grabbing his phone and checking the time.  _5_ _:47 pm._  

He slid off his bed and headed cautiously down the stairs;  _could he be back?_  He shook his head, dismissing the thought. Blaise wouldn’t come back so soon. 

The blonde peaked behind the curtain for the second time that day, his heart clenching in dread. Breath caught in his throat at the sight of the curly-haired boy on his doorstep. He reached for the doorknob, freezing in only a moment’s hesitation.  _He shouldn’t be here._ He hastily threw open the door, the boy staring at him in shock, grabbing Harry by the arm and pulling him inside. 

Draco threw his arms around Harry’s abdomen, holding him close. His eyes welled up, spilling over in a waterfall onto the front of the boy’s jacket. Harry responded hesitantly, hugging him back. His mind swirled with questions, though he was stuck on  _were they okay now?_   

“I missed you.” Draco mumbled softly, sniffling. He didn’t realize the extent of that statement until he was right there in his arms. “A lot.” 

“I missed you more.” Harry frowned into the blonde’s hair, breathing deeply, the familiar scent bringing an ache inside his chest. “What happened?” 

“I…can’t tell you. For now.” Draco hesitated. He could only shudder at the thought of what Blaise could really do if he found out he was still with Harry. “Please just...promise to stay with me.” 

Harry felt his chest tighten at the blonde’s tone of voice, subconsciously squeezing him tighter. “I-” He hoped with all that he had that he wouldn’t regret this. “I promise.”


	8. a/n: here we are yet again.

it’s been a while since i’ve updated and i have to say i have no motivation to continue this. i cant tell if anyone actually enjoys reading this story enough that they want me to update ! so please let me know whether u want this to continue, or even if u simply don’t care whether i do or not<3

edit 3/20/19: i'll be rewriting a few of the first chapters as i am unhappy with how they are currently, so look forward to that if you'd like to read the new versions !


	9. eastside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am absolute shite at updating on time but through depressive episodes and school work these past few months this is what i could come up with sjsks,, thank u for all of your kind comments! hope it's okay<3
> 
> \---  
> playlist:
> 
> song like you - Bea Miller
> 
> Bloom - Troye Sivan
> 
> Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Coaster - Khalid & hostage - Billie Eilish
> 
> idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish & Ivory Black - Oliver Riot
> 
> Honey Whiskey - Nothing But Thieves
> 
> Stay - Post Malone
> 
> WASTE - BROCKHAMPTON & i miss the old u - Blackbear
> 
> eastside - benny blanco ft. khalid, halsey

_♫ PLAYLIST:[BENNY BLANCO FT. HALSEY & KHALID - EASTSIDE](https://open.spotify.com/track/0d2iYfpKoM0QCKvcLCkBao?si=ec6iAmdhTwOkL3saDEfzew)_

* * *

 

Draco sighed heavily, feet planted on the school courtyard, almost afraid to walk between those red double doors. For what he wasn't sure, but he knew in the back of his mind that something was going to go down today. He inhaled deeply through his nose, the cool air coating his insides with dread. The thought of skipping class briefly flashed across his mind, but he knew his mother would surely kick his-

The sound of a car horn startled him from his thoughts, his head automatically turning towards the source. He brushed it off as a random student before recognition flooded his mind. The blonde looked around cautiously, before walking over to the compact car. He pulled open the car door and sat himself in the passenger seat, shutting the door behind him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Draco hissed, as if people would hear, pushing at the other male's chest. "What makes you think you can-"

Blaise pressed his pointer finger to his pale lips, which was quickly slapped away by the angry blonde. "Woah there, Princess. They let me enroll again."

Draco opened his mouth to snap at him, face heating at the degrading nickname, but was cut off once more. "My father may have pulled some strings. . .though he thinks I finally want to focus on school."

An involuntary shiver rolled down his spine at the thought of the large, wealthy man, along with the idea of having to put up with his ex again. He huffed, turning and getting out of the car.

"Hey, what, where are you goin-"

Draco slammed the door behind him, pulling his hood up over his head to avoid being seen. He felt the boy's presence before the footsteps behind him, quickening his pace until he was nearly at a run. The blonde cursed Blaise for having long legs as he caught up with ease.

"Draco-"

"Don't. Don't say my name, don't talk to me, don't even _breathe_ in my direction. Got it?"

Draco turned away from him, walking into the school with his head down, vaguely aware of the man _still_ loitering a few feet behind. Typically, he would meet up with his two best friends or boyfriend in the mornings, but he couldn't stand the thought of them seeing him like this. With _him_. He let out a frustrated sigh as he went to his first class, one that he prayed wouldn't involve the dark-skinned man.

Draco sat awaiting at his usual seat, watching the other students filter through the doorway. His math teacher, Mr. Quirrell, soon came in, shutting the door tightly behind him. The blonde sighed in relief, not realizing just how tense he was.

Just as the man at the front of the room began to call of names, a knock sounded at the door. Quirrell grumbled, standing to reprimand whichever late student it was. Draco felt nauseous; he knew he couldn't put it past him to match their schedules as best as possible. He avoided eye contact with his deep brown eyes as the boy stopped at his desk.

"Draco, please-"

"Late _and_ disrupting other students? You of all people should know better than that, Mr. Zabini." Quirrell smirked as an embarrassed flush colored Blaise's already dark skin. The class snickered as he walked over to the last available seat, a few rows down. The entire school knew of _the_ Blaise Zabini for his criminal history, and only knew Draco because of their past relationship. Another reason for him to be stared at in the halls, on top of him now dating the one boy everyone yearned after. He _despised_ it.

He could feel him boring holes into the back of his head, but he ignored it, paying his full attention to the lesson before him.

It remained that way for the entire period, to the point where Draco's neck felt stiff from keeping his head facing the board at all times. The bell rang as a signal for lunch and Draco shot out of his seat as fast as possible. He made it into the quickly-crowding hallway, pulling out his phone to shoot his friends a quick text. The blonde made a run, or as close to one as he could manage, for the library; a place he hoped the other male wouldn't even think to check.

He chose their regular spot in the back corner, constructed from the view of those who entered. Draco slumped into the chair furthest away with a sigh. Why did his life have to be so difficult? It was times like these that he wished he had never met Blaise. A horrible thought despite what he's put him through, as he was and annoyingly still is large part of his life. A lump grew in his throat and he swallowed it down, not allowing himself to get upset over something he's already gotten over. Or so he thought.

Draco shook his head, his chest suddenly aching for a new reason. He missed his boyfriend. His face flushed at how fast it hit him. His mind constantly wanders to just how little time he's truly _known_ Harry, though it feels like it's been years. Sure, he crushed on him forever, but he never got the chance to see this side of him. He can't help but think he might be.....

He pulled his iPhone from his pocket and clicked it on, sending the boy a quick text asking if he was around. Harry replied in under a minute, " _Always for you._ "

Draco scoffed at his poor flirting, though his heart still skipped a beat. Man did he like this boy. " _Shut up. Come to the library?_ "

Harry agreed, of course. The blonde made a note to just talk to his friends later.

A head of curly hair walked in the door and he had to refrain from running into his arms. Draco pouted, reaching out for him childishly. Harry chuckled, wrapping his arms around the blonde's smaller frame, no questions asked. Just as Draco liked it.

~☆~

Later came sooner than he hoped, his two best friends practically demanding answers. Scratch that, they were demanding. Judging by their tones, they clearly noticed Blaise was back and that he was hot on his trail. Draco fought with himself internally over whether he should tell them the whole truth; not only is it dangerous, but _humiliating_. They were the last people he could withstand judgement from.

"Draco!" Pansy exclaimed, arms moving to fold neatly across her chest. "Are you even listening to me?"

Draco opened his mouth, the girl's eyes narrowing as if to say " _don't even try it_." He snapped it shut, shaking his head ever so slightly. She sighed, frustrated. It pains her to even question how she puts up with his difficult personality. After all, he is her best friend and has been for as long as she can remember. On top of that, they've gotten through everything the universe threw at them together; you would think he knows he can tell her anything. What Pansy doesn't think about, however, is that Draco is scared. He's a fucking coward and he hates himself for it. He wishes he could be more like her, an intimidating, tell-it-exactly-how-it-is kinda girl. Instead, he pushes it all down, to the point where he thinks he might explode. A bad habit, he knows. But his intrusive thoughts won't let him think anything other than, " _you're bothering them. Stop complaining, no one cares and it's getting annoying._ "

He sighed, knowing he was drowning in his own thoughts again. Draco looked up again, realizing with wide eyes that both girls were still waiting for answers; Pansy looked about ready to blow up at him again. He began to stutter out an excuse, but she merely shook her head with a sigh.

"You seem to have a lot on your mind, huh?" She said, her anger pulling back enough to calm herself down, storing itself away in its cage for later. "Look. I'm not trying to pressure you, you know that. I just....hate to see you like this. And you know you can tell me anything so I-"

"Pans, it's okay," Draco said with a nervous chuckle, "I...I'll tell you soon. I'm just...afraid. Of what you would think of me when you find out."

The mere thought of the video makes him feel absolutely disgusting. Even more so with the fact that it was with _him_.

They frowned at that, including Hermione who was listening quietly by her girlfriend's side. She furrowed her eyebrows, silently brainstorming all of the possibilities that could come out of the boy's mouth. She slowly found it only worried her more than it did help, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. Hermione began to understand Pansy's frustration, though it's hard to tell when she doesn't express it.

"And we'll respect that," Hermione said, giving the girl a stern look, "Won't we?"

Though she knew it wasn't up for debate, Pansy rolled her eyes with a short nod, amusement decorating her cheeks.

"Good." The bushy-haired girl smiled, grabbing both of their hands, pulling them along. "Now. Let's go get ice cream and cry over sad romance movies."

Neither of them opposed.

~☆~

Draco gasped awake, shooting up straight into a seated position. He was vaguely aware of his best friends sprawled across the lounger beside him, entangled together in a mess of limbs. How they could sleep like that he'd never know.

It was times like this that he felt jealous of them; they had it _so easy_. Accepting parents, no antagonizing exes, healthy relationship- the works. God, he missed his boyfriend. Not just him, but the feeling of being with him. Around him. Freedom. Safety.

Instead, he's afraid, for the first time, to even be in the same place as him. You might be thinking, "Oh, it's just a sextape. It couldn't be that bad." But Blaise has done far, _far_ worse to him in the past; what's stopping him from doing it again?

Draco shivered, biting his lip to keep it from trembling, from either the cold or fear, he didn't know. He grabbed his phone off the table, checking the time; _5:47 am_. He still had about two hours before school started for the day, but he knew he wasn't getting back to sleep. 

He sighed, heading for bathroom. Draco didn't usually shower in the mornings, but he figured he could use one. He turned the water on, stripping himself of his clothing. The room quickly filled with steam, oddly giving him a sense of comfort. The blonde stepped in the tub, leaning his head against the wall to let the water course down his back.

His mind wandered to his parents for the first time in a while, specifically his mother. Draco hardly sees her anymore between his schooling and her job, plus any time he spent the night at his friend's. He'd been so worried about himself that he nearly forgot about her. A deep sense of guilt settled in his chest; he should be there for her.

Draco made a mental note to visit her after school, and another to actually get a job. Not to sound like the typical rich white boy, but he never had to worry about money given his father's financial situation. His mother constantly reminded him that he didn't have to. But things are different now.

Draco finished up in the shower, towel drying his hair and body before dressing himself in his hoodie and jeans. By the time he was ready, it was already well past six, meaning he could just head to school early. He told the girls he was leaving, earning whines and hums goodbye. He rolled his eyes, grabbing his keys off his desk and leaving the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u to all of u who have stuck around for this story despite my wack update schedule<3 please continue to let me know what you think! it helps me know whether i should continue to publish!


End file.
